Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Stop my brain, I want to get off

Yesterday was the first live episode of the American Goddess Posse radio show. It went well, I think - but in listening to it I realized that when speaking, I can go way off topic if I keep yapping. My brain is so strange - every issue, idea, dream - shit, every thought; it all kind of overlaps and weaves together and it is hard for me to talk about one static topic, because as I do, my brain is saying "there's this connection and that connection, and oh look - another connection right over here!" I believe I am able to see these connections with relative ease, but actually articulating them in words can take a very long (winded) time for me.
One of the topics was feminism. Now, I have my ideas about this topic, and I may or may not be right about them. I have never studied feminism, you know? Never really read any books on it or anything like that. I feel (and I did mention this on the show) that I am well balanced between my masculine and feminine sides; and I also am not fond of labels. So I was thinking that for me to call myself a feminist would be kinda far reaching, I guess. But what I didn't get into, and I wish that I did, was admitting that maybe I am a feminist in some ways. I truly believe in the power of women, especially when they can break the barriers of superficial bullshit and become a collective; fulfilling their true purpose of being nurturing, wise, healers.
I think that I have been focused on the negative for too long, it's hard to shake it off. I have been getting much, much better at seeing the positive in everything, and letting go of some of my old baggage. Trust and believe, I was not always so calm and collected - I was a hateful cunt at one point in my life, and I most certainly am happy to have gotten past all of that. But I think I still have some issues to get past so that I can focus on what really needs to be said and done. I do jump to analyze problems a lot, which leads me to recommend that people "change their ways", and it really isn't the best approach. These things do come from a good intent on my part, but I can see how they can be misinterpreted because my brain says it one way and my mouth says it another - in ways that maybe most folks wouldn't even want to comprehend, let alone be able to. Sometimes I think the world ain't ready for me, and I am also not ready for the world. But, I am working on it. I want to be more focused and concentrate on the matters at hand when I am participating in the roundtable. I need to try and break my thoughts down to simpler ideas so when I speak it's not so crazy, you know?

Focus, focus, focus.

You can listen to the debut episode of American Goddess Posse here:

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