Do you ever feel, as a blogger, or vlogger, or myspacer, etc. that your words always fall on deaf ears? I do. It bums me out when I put forth the effort to write a few paragraphs, or post a bulletin, or make a video, and the only sound for miles around for the next several days is the crickets. Some days, I'm not even sure why I continue to bother.
For the last few weeks, I have been scoping out the social scene of mothers on the internet, in a wholehearted attempt to make some new friends - not only for myself, but mainly for my son, who arrived today and will be here for 8 weeks. Since I moved back home to Massachusetts, I have been working from home and I don't get out enough to actually meet new people. I have one friend, a musician, who has no children, or even any relatives close to my son's age. So basically, doing the "Mommy personals" is my only option at this time. I've posted introductions in forums, added local moms as friends, posted on craigslist, and so far - nothing. There must be some folks in my area with kids. Maybe I'm too weird for them. Maybe the tattoos and concert t shirts are too much for other people my age to handle? Maybe Massachusetts has become way more conservative since I left back in 96. I just don't know. What I do know is that I'm sad about it, for my son. The last time he was here, he came to me crying about being an only child and not having anyone to play with when he stays with us. And I've been diligently trying every day to try and meet some local moms, but all the cool people I meet don't have kids or live far away.
Even in other regards, my voice just doesn't get heard. I try to inform people about issues I find important, I post bulletins on MySpace to let people know about what's happening with me, and either no one reads the stuff I put out, or they don't care enough to shoot me a message. It's kind of frustrating and a tad lonely also. I know my friends - as scattered around the world as they are, care about me. But it seems like they care much less when I'm not right in front of their faces. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. And making new friends is damn near impossible.
I'm not giving up, but it's just a bummer, you know? It's not easy explaining to a 9 year old that his mom has no friends with kids. They think you can just snap your fingers and give them what they want, and maybe if I were someone else, I could. But, I'm me, a loner hermit in the woods with one kid, one boyfriend, and one childless friend.