dude, where's my green?

Marijuana Documentaries - break the propaganda machine!

2008-12-20T05:39:00.000-08:00

GRASS - The History of Marijuana
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3217994797681150111&ei=JPRMSZ60OInWqQKrrvnvCw&q=marijuana+documentary

Run From The Cure: The Rick Simpson Story
http://www.phoenixtearsmovie.com

In Pot We Trust
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2200160322729097762&ei=RfRMSemGApKwqwK__fzuCw&q=in+pot+we+trust

Emperor Of Hemp - Jack Herer
http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=560584903529011883

Check this out: Choose Your News

2008-12-18T14:46:00.001-08:00

Howdy dear readers. Today I bring you a 6 part documentary about media and news by Rob Ager. He's got a lot of interesting and educational videos on his website http://www.collativelearning.com/

CHOOSE YOUR NEWS

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

PART FOUR

PART FIVE

PART SIX

Jay Walker!

2008-12-16T12:49:00.000-08:00

I wonder if that is his real name. Anyway, interesting video.

Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009

2008-12-15T08:46:00.000-08:00

I'm not usually one for New Years Resolutions. I will often make them sometime in December and before January even hits, I've broken whatever it is! I didn't make any resolutions last year, but the year before I swore I would remain celibate and single for one year. On New Year's Eve, I began my relationship with Joe. So I guess breaking a resolution isn't all bad because we have a good thing going on and 2 years later we're both still happy. It does make me wonder though, if maybe my new years resolution should be the opposite of what I want to happen so that I get what I want for once.
I already know that the new year has lots of change in store for me. We are finally moving out of our shack in the woods to a more urban area. We've been trying to get out of here for a while now, at least a year... We had talked about moving to New Hampshire for a long time, and we even looked at some apartments, but we decided that for now, the best course of action was to stay here and try to save money. Unfortunately, Plymouth is not exactly brimming with jobs, there's public transportation but it's infrequent and a pain in the ass to deal with, especially in winter. I have been going nuts, wanting a job, wanting to make some friends, basically anything that would involve getting out of the house more than just on the weekends when Joe and I do our errands.
In a little less than 3 weeks, we'll be moving into a 3 bedroom apartment with another couple that we are friends with. Joe used to live in that town and has known them and a bunch of other folks for a while now, so it's kinda like I am inheriting a group of friends before I even move there. I mean, I already know most of these people and have hung out with them on a handful of occasions, so it's really cool to know that I don't have to start completely from scratch. I will have to start from scratch on the job front, but I am looking forward to it. We'll be a few blocks from a train that goes back and forth between Providence and Boston, so I will be accessible to all the art schools and can hopefully gain work as a model once again. I am hoping that my timing isn't bad for this, because usually it's best to do interviews before the fall semester begins. But, I did get hired by PAFA just after the Christmas break a few years back, so not all hope is lost. I don't remember when the other Philly art schools hired me, but as I recall, I would show up at the model coordinators' offices at random times throughout the years and no one ever turned me down. I guess my trepidation about it stems from having called the school at the Museum of Fine Arts shortly after moving to MA in February 07, and the model coordinator told me to come for an interview before the fall semester. It doesn't necessarily work like that in all schools. Anyway, I'm calling up all the model coordinators today to find out what's up so I am ahead of the game. Whoa - look at me being all organized and responsible and shit.

Good Copy Bad Copy

2008-12-10T07:05:00.001-08:00

A great documentary discussing the current state of copyright, piracy and free culture.

no one on the corner has swagger like us

2008-12-03T12:37:00.000-08:00

just rereading some of my past entries, and I'm just kinda blah about it all. I used to be a freewheelin' weirdo with no particularly strong opinions about anything, and then I just had to take an interest in politics and stupid conspiracy theories. I ranked pretty high on some dumb "How Libertarian Are You?" quiz, and I gotta shake my head and laugh a little cuz I'm totally an anarchist - despite my hatred of labels. Maybe I'm not an anarchist, either. Maybe I just would like to round up every person on this rock who I dig and take them with me somewhere awesome with no big bad daddy telling us how to live.
Anyway, this hermit period is coming to an end, thankfully. Joe and I are moving somewhere else. We were gonna move to NH and be part of the Free State Project, but while it sounds nice and all, we're just gonna stick close to home but be closer to our friends. NH is okay, but not that great. We met some interesting folks but no one who we really clicked with. We're better off moving closer to the friends we have.

In other news, the right side of my throat hurts when I swallow. It's probably the aids.

I am addicted to this song, and the show that uses it as it's theme, "Weeds":
Little Boxes - Malvina Reynolds

I discovered last night that the one comment I ever left on the IMDB was used on a most excellent website. I feel honored and tickled, and I even signed up for WordPress to let the author of the site know, except it won't let me log in. C'est la vie. I think they chose my comment cuz I said Dean Cameron was adorable or something. Flattery gets you places.

I think i need to change my email notification sound. Every time Borat says "wow wow wee wah" my speakers are turned up too high and it scares the bejeezus outta me. Receiving email should not make me jump out my skin.

Joe bought me a pair of handpainted underpants by the Let's Paint TV guy. That is really the highlight of my week. Maybe he'll have me on his show to model these fancy ass drawers. But seeing as how he's on public access and I am a broke ass, I doubt I'll be in Los Angeles anytime soon.

Internet drama drives me batty

2008-11-28T06:59:00.000-08:00

Popular opinion is the greatest lie in the world.
Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)

I don't get involved in internet dramas anymore. I really don't enjoy arguing, or upsetting others. I am fortunate to not have any drama in my real life either - well, not any that I'm involved with directly, anyway. I try to avoid it online by not speaking my mind too frankly in forums other than my own. I say what I want in my blogs or whatever, but I don't get into playing karma police on YouTube and suchlike. It would be easy if I didn't care about making some anonymous person at the other end of the interwebs upset. Sometimes I do wish I could hold up the mirror of truth to everyone I see that could use a dose of reality, but I decided a long time ago that it isn't my place. Maybe some of them would appreciate it and thank me, but I know how fragile people's egos are. They can handle the truth about a lot of things but they spend a good part of their lives running from the truths within themselves. And when someone comes along and shows them what they've been running from, it's shoot the messenger time. So, I keep my mouth shut. Whether I am handling this right or not isn't up to you to decide, by the way. It works for me, for now.

I have mentioned in the past about how folks are looking for the truth, and many do it obsessively. And there's a lot of infighting going on. Folks have the same common enemy but they feel the need to see faults in their comrades and bitch about that instead. There's a lot of semantics involved, and who said what and unsubscribe from my channel if you think so-and-so is the right one in this, and so on and so on. My theory about why this happens is that folks are overloading on the large and scary truths, desperately trying to find ways to come together and change it, and because of the overwhelming nature of things like NWO and such like, some feel the need to bring the argument closer to their level of ability and they lash out at each other. This is just a theory though, pretty much based on being a silent observer of the online circles who run in my areas of interest.

Let me back things up a little. Over the summer, I too was obsessed with keeping up on all the happenings in the truth movement. I started really thinking about it all very deeply. I wanted to help people understand it all, open their minds to new possibilities, and come together to push good things forward. At first I was really paranoid and scared. I know that "propaganda" comes off as a dirty word, but no matter what side of the truth you're on, whatever opinions and facts you stand behind that are presented as audio, video or writing - is all considered propaganda. Anyway, I started to realize that much of the "truth propaganda", while many of the facts are there, there is also a great deal of inciting fear and paranoia in there as well. Alex Jones is a fine example of that.

I used to give my mother shit for believing everything that she heard on the nightly news. She would keep me from doing fun stuff with my friends because there was so much "murder and accidents and crazy people on the streets". I knew, from actually going out and being in the world every day, that it really isn't as scary out there as the "news" will have you believe! Well, I just started to feel like maybe it's all the fucking same. No matter where you get your news from, if it all makes you feel horrified, angered, and paranoid, then it can't be good for you. I'm not saying at all that we need to ignore injustices in this world. I'm saying that we need to stop focusing on them all day every day, or we're all going to be cowering in a basement somewhere, alone save for a year's stockpile of food and guns, clutching our rifles to our chests while we freak at every sound coming from outside.
And you know, the real world is the same as it ever was. When I go out anywhere, I never see or experience violence. I do see a lot of stupidity, but I don't hold it against anyone like I used to because I realized that if all this shit is true, that they are dumbing us down, well... You just can't hold someone responsible for their stupidity when they've been raised in front of a TV, drinking fluoridated water and nutrasweet. And so many people think it is their duty to "wake the sheeple". Newsflash: People are coming to realizations on their own. Do you think it's actually going to help them come out of it if they've got an army of folks calling them an ignorant sheep? Please get over yourselves if you have an "anti-sheeple" attitude. It isn't your job to wake them up, and it's not your right to call them names for something they can't help. People get duped. And you shouldn't say it's their responsibility to know they are being duped. I mean, I can distinguish bullshit from truth, but not always - especially when I was younger. You think I'd be addicted to cigarettes now if I knew the difference between truth and lies when I was 13? Would I have had an almost decade long addiction to Mountain Dew? No.

Anyway, my whole point that I wanted to make was that we really need to put petty bullshit aside if we are going to have anything resembling peace. I have been witnessing infighting over petty drama for several months within the "truth movement" and this is precisely why I haven't aligned myself with more than a few people. I came into it all gung ho and wanting to wake people up and spread info everywhere, but it seems to me that most of the info is scary as fuck and I didn't want to be responsible for inspiring any more fear and hatred than there already is. To me the answer is really simple... I recognize what the problems are, and I know which ones I can do things about and which ones I can't. From what I can tell, there just needs to be a shift in consciousness to where folks realize that they have to change themselves and lead by example instead of "you're with me or against me" bullshit. I have said before that everyone is going to have a different idea and opinion, but we need to focus on our similarities instead of our differences if we really and truly want freedom. I'm of the opinion that you can't be an endorser of freedom while you tell everyone to think just like you and share your opinions. This is why we have the "all-seeing all-knowing" government and morality police out there. Why you wanna be like them? And furthermore, why do you want to fill your time with voraciously gathering information that scares you instead of making the necessary changes to your life and enjoying it all while you can?

We are all on this planet together, and there aren't any goddamned ships coming to take us off it. So we all need to start sharing it and taking care of it, or we will be fucked. You want "them" to lose? Then stop doing the things they want you to do! Stop hating each other and arguing about differences of opinion. Stop buying their processed foods and drinking their unhealthy water. Do things to make a change. Figure out what that means to you; whether it's getting off the grid, joining a farming community, buying local food, cutting off the corporations, or whatever. As big as it all seems, the so-called "bad guys" are a minority, and so are their morality police. Please just start trying to get along with each other. We are only hurting our LONG OVERDUE evolution by staying in these patterns.

Observations on my numerology report part 1

2008-11-20T07:08:00.000-08:00

Well folks, I'm definitely at a turning point in my life, emotionally and spiritually. Actually, I have been in this transition for a while now, but have been avoiding dealing with some things, I guess.
I'm having a roller coaster ride of a week as far as emotions go, so bear with me. Or, don't... This blog entry is really just something I thought I might need to do for myself. I just don't mind sharing it, is all.

Your Life Path Number is 9
Your Life Path Number represents the path you should take through life and the talents and skills you have to make your journey a rewarding one.

A 9 Life Path will lead you to look at all with love, compassion and tolerance. You will explore the connection that exists between all the things in our universe. You will learn to let go of your own desires to serve the better good of all of us. In whatever field you choose, your endeavors will help heal the wounds life inflicts on those around you. It is your mission to make our world a gentler, kinder place for all of us.

I definitely feel like this is true, and I've been feeling this way for all of my life, as far back as I can remember. I have certainly had my moments, though. There's been occasions where I've been knocked down, but I always get up again. And sometimes when I get up, I'm really pissed and it can take a long time for these things to cool off. I'm a lot better at working through shit these days, but it's never an overnight process. These events in my life, whether caused by external circumstance or by my own bad decisions, are the reasons why I can get bitter, withdrawn, and generally negative about things. I need to rise above all of it and let it go. Because in my ideal world, there is peace. What does "Peace" mean, anyway? Precious few of us have had it in our lives, so I figure the concept of peace must mean different things to different people. For me, it goes a little somethin like this:
Folks choose love and compassion over anger and hatred. Things like discrimination and censorship do not exist, because people understand that if something offends them, they just have to turn away. They focus on things that agree with their sensibilities instead of calling the moral high ground and angrily trying to eliminate the offensive thing, whatever it may be.
People know and understand that there are billions of human beings residing on the planet. We are all here together. No one ideology is right for all, and all understand that freedom requires doing onto others as you would have them do onto you. Respect of others beliefs and ways without having any kind of pressure to adopt those ways as their own. Freedom to choose what your truth is. Acceptance. Love. Compassion. Sometimes people just can't click and get along. So they leave each other alone if they can't agree to disagree.
No rulers. No prisons. No abuse. No hatred. No manipulations. No mind control. No slavery. No carelessness.

But, I guess that's asking a lot, even though it's 2008 and we really should be at this point by now in our human enlightenment. What gives me hope though is that more and more people are becoming enlightened as the years go on. It can only get better from here, if we all start trying to get along. The past is in the past, and things have changed radically from decade to decade. Can we finally learn from our mistakes so we can have a more peaceful future? I better see it in my lifetime, because I do not want to become a curmudgeon. I've got too much love to give.

help me out here, i am confused

2008-10-21T09:16:00.000-07:00

In regards to all the information and ideas springing up as of late, relating of course to politics, society, NWO, et cetera - folks are getting so caught up in semantics that they are losing sight of the larger picture.
Doesn't anyone realize that when they obsess over the symbols and key words of the occult/satanist/illuminati/whatever that, despite being against it, they are feeding it energy and therefore, power? I know it sounds like magical thinking or whatever, but think about this... If you choose to focus on your personal solutions to the problems in the world today instead of on obsessing over debunking this, that, or the other, you will evolve and in turn help others around you evolve. And it will spread.
Bottom line: stop giving the shit your energy.
Think about what you are against.
Are you against the lying corporate media?
Unplug that TV set of yours, take it out in your yard, and smash the fucking thing. You don't need it. And when you realize you have all this time and money on your hands that you used to waste sitting in front of that glowing box of lies and manipulations, you might think about moving on to the next idea...
Are you against corporations and overblown, unchecked, irresponsible mass consumerism?
Then be a mindful consumer. Buy only what you need from companies that you believe deserve your support. Don't advocate waste and poisonous materials. Learn how to create things you need or want. There's a tutorial for everything, and if you say "I can't do it", you are only lying to yourself - because if you have two hands and a brain, you can achieve anything you set your mind to. It may take some practice, of course, but who is good at anything straight off the bat?
Are you against the government?
Stop giving it your full attention. Govern yourselves. Why, in this day and age, do SO MANY of us still believe that one man can change the world? Why do we feel we need some "Daddy" telling us the difference between right and wrong? Oh, that's right - it's because through the above two topics, and others (public schools, laws against the most ridiculous bullshit, religion, etc), they have reduced us all to their little teat sucking babies.

You want change? Then go out there and MAKE IT. No one's gonna do it for you. Keep feeding into a system of lies, and you will continue to live in a system of lies. Even if all you're trying to do is expose the lies to as many people as you can get to listen. Why don't we work from a place of love instead and expose the truth in how we could really be living, instead of "look at who's out to get you?" If we stop paying them attention, they will wither away! Why do we continue to watch documentaries and not know what to think, the shock and awe is still working on so many of us - even and especially many of those who consider themselves "awake"!
Remember - the bad guys in this don't want you to think for yourselves. They want you to divide and hate - it doesn't matter who, either. Hate them, hate other races, hate other religions, just keep on hatin! That's giving them what they want. Period. So for "truthers" or "freedom lovers" to make it a point to send out messages of hate not only towards the "powers that be" but to others who share some common enemy, think twice about whether or not they are really telling you the whole truth. We don't all have to agree with each other, but there is no reason for not embracing the idea that we can coexist. Remember - 6 billion people on this planet. ya can't be friends with every single one of them, nor can you be enemies with them all either. So surround yourself with people who you can get along with, and let all others move on. Forgive and then forget. We will never stop declaring war on other countries, on our government, on our peers, and on ourselves until we learn that simple idea. Forgive and forget! Yeah, I know - for those of you who feel the need to demand justice, this sounds ludicrous and impossible. Well, I too believe in justice. But I think that since this is 2008 and we still are at each others throats after all these decades, maybe we need to try something different. We need to teach ourselves, we need to learn from each other, we need to share what we know and what we can do. We aren't weak! We aren't stupid! I just want to see people rejecting all the notions they are against and start building something more positive. And maybe some folks still wanna live like animals and hate everything - let them do it in their own neck of the woods, folks. This is what freedom is - everybody does what they want to do. You can have some basic common sense rules for people to live by, of course. The way I see it is, so long as folks aren't abusing, killing, or stealing from anyone else, the rest of it all would just fall into a harmonious place. No one has respect anymore. We all have such vastly different beliefs, and everyone thinks they are right, and refuse to learn anything new from someone with an opposing opinion. How can we ever be free if we can't just accept others for who they are and agree to disagree? Why build up so much hatred and hang onto it so that it leads to mass generalizations? People are still individuals, you know. No two people have exactly the same belief structure - they can run parallel but who the hell agrees on every single thing, anyway? THIS IS WHY WE ARE IN THE TROUBLE WE'RE IN, FOLKS! Because "Daddy" in DC doesn't like gays or believes that abortion is immoral, or that the rich are more deserving of benefits than the poor... Every situation is different, mass generalizations do not work in the real world!

Please ponder on these things. We need to stop fearing, stop hating, and start creating and loving, and learning - especially on the forgive and forget thing. Agreeing to disagree could go a long way towards bringing about true freedom and peace.

The Harvest Festival

2008-10-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's taken over a week for me to come round to writing about this experience, but... Better late than never, I suppose.
I honestly wasn't sure what to expect before going to this event. After experiencing it, I'm not even sure what to say about it, other than it was a lot of fun. We went with friends and didn't venture out of our cabin all that much, maybe once a day for an hour or so. Everyone we did meet was very friendly, and there were no problems that I was aware of - despite the fact that there were no police and no real "rules" other than looking out for each other and the property. Go figure - freedom could be a real possibility for us without any need for "the Man" making rules for us to follow.

The vibes at the campground were really good; I felt no animosity from or towards anyone. Folks were just hanging out, partying, enjoying the freedom of being in a secluded area where no one is judged for their choice to smoke marijuana or explore psychedelics and spirituality. Talented artists sold their wares, the food was excellent, and the entertainment we managed to catch was fantastic as well.
The Harvest Fest, in essence, is like a small community of open minded folks who get together for 4 days a year to get away from the fascist state we are all in the midst of. I didn't learn anything new here, to be honest - other than a renewed hope that as much as shit may hit the fan within our political circles, it won't really affect us for anything but the better. So long as people can understand that compassion, love, and sharing should be our base for everything we do, we can accomplish anything we want. We can truly be free, because we have ourselves and each other. We don't need a "Daddy Figure" telling us what we can and can't do - all we need is to understand that people are people, and as long as we don't abuse, kill, or steal from one another, we could be just fine.
We plan to attend this event annually from now on. Next year, we'll be more participative than we were this year. We didn't know what to expect, so we brought the bare minimum of what we would need; but next year we plan to bring our creativity along for the ride so that we can be part of the event and not just spectators there for the party.

I had planned to talk to people about activism and promote some of the projects myself and my friends are involved with, but the weekend turned into a vacation the moment we arrived. I do wish I had met and talked to more people, but shyness really overcame me and I chose to stick to hanging with the people I was there with. Next year will be different. We plan on renting a large cabin where anyone can come in and be entertained and enlightened. We want to participate and bring something fun and informative to the table instead of just relaxing.
It was a lot of fun and we look forward to future Harvest Fests.

A Tour of the Toriverse, for Glory.

2008-10-09T06:26:00.001-07:00

I should be a music appreciation teacher. Can you imagine? XD
Anyway, this is for my girl Goddess Glory - and I prolly shoulda done it sooner. While I am only going to include 1 (and sometimes 2) songs from each album, it may get kinda long, so for those of my followers who just can't get next to this type of music... Well, I didn't do this for you anyway. (Haha, one cup of coffee down, 2 more to go before bitchiness fades.)

Begin at the Beginning.

I might have expressed this to you before, but before Tori was the way we know her now, she was a cheesy 80's "Rock Chick".

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B: (And, in all honesty, this is the only song on the album that stands up over time. The rest, in my honest opinion, are forgettable.)
Y Kant Tori Read - Cool On Your Island

Seeing as how she hadn't yet developed the style of elongating her words, I won't bother with the lyrics here. It doesn't matter much, this song is about a romance where the guy is not reciprocating the love. Guess many of us could relate to that, but it's not nearly as deep as the songs that would follow.

Little Earthquakes 1992-1993

Probably one of the most deeply personal albums I have ever heard - this album plays out like a diary. There is so much pain and so much power in these songs that it can take your breath away if you're tuned into it like that. And she does indeed have a funny way of making her pain sound a lot like ours.

PRECIOUS THINGS
so I ran faster but it caught
me here yes my loyalties turned like my ankle in
the seventh grade running after BILLY running
after the rain these precious things let them bleed
let them wash away these precious things let them
break their hold over me he said you’re really an
ugly girl but I like the way you play and I died
but I thanked him can you believe that sick
holding on to his picture dressing up every day I
wanna smash the faces of those beautiful BOYS
those christian boys so you can make me cum that
doesn’t make you Jesus I remember yes in my
peach party dress no one dared no one cared to
tell me where the pretty girls are those demigods
with their NINE-INCH nails and little fascist
panties tucked inside the heart of every nice
girl…

Under The Pink 1994-1995
I love to listen to this album in the wintertime. It sounds like winter, but feels so warm despite the chill.

THE WAITRESS
So I want to kill this waitress
She's worked here a year longer than I
If I did it fast you know that's an act of kindness

But I believe in peace
I believe in peace Bitch
I believe in peace
I believe in peace
But I believe in peace
I believe in peace Bitch
I believe in peace

I want to kill this waitress
I can't believe this violence in mind
And is her power all in her club sandwich

But I believe in peace
I believe in peace Bitch
I believe in peace
I believe in peace
But I believe in peace
I believe in peace Bitch
I believe in peace

I want to kill this killing wish
They're too many stars and not enough sky
Boys all think she's living kindness
Ask a fellow waitress
Ask a fellow waitress

ICICLE
Icicle Icicle where are you going I have a hiding place when spring marches in will
you keep watch for me I hear them calling gonna lay down gonna lay down
greeting the monster in our Easter dresses Father says bow your head like the
Good Book says well I think the Good Book is missing some pages gonna lay
down gonna lay down
and when my hand touches myself I can finally rest my head and when they say
‘take of his body’ I think I’ll take from mine instead
Getting Off Getting Off while they’re all downstairs singing prayers sing away
he’s in my pumpkin p.j’s lay your book on my chest feel the word feel the word
feel the word feel it
I could have I should have I could have flown you know I could have I should
have I didn’t so

Boys For Pele 1996 - 1997

This is the "Angry Volcano Goddess" record. I know I make it sound corny here, but it isn't. This is the album of Tori's that you listen to when you are just downright pissed-the-fuck-off.

BLOOD ROSES
Blood roses
Blood roses
Back on the street now
Blood roses
Blood roses
Back on the street now
Can't forget the things you never said
On days like these starts me thinking
When chickens get a taste of your meat girl
Chickens get a taste of your meat yes

You gave him you blood
And your warm little diamond
He likes killing you after you're dead
You think I'm a queer
I think you're a queer
Said I think you're a queer
I think you're a queer
I shaved every place where you been boy
I said I shaved every place where you been yes

God knows I know
I've thrown away those graces
God knows I've thrown away
Those graces
God knows I know
I've thrown away those graces

The Belle of New Orleans tried to show me
Once how to tango
Wrapped around you feet
Wrapped around like good little roses

Blood Roses
Blood Roses
Back on the street now
Blood Roses
Blood Roses
Back on the street now
Now, Now
Now you've cut out the flute
From the throat of the loon
At least when you cry now
He can't even hear you
When chickens get a taste of your meat girl
Come on
Come on
Come on
...
When he sucks you deep
Sometimes you're nothing but meat

And a cool interview segment from the recording of Boys For Pele:

from the choirgirl hotel 1998

Tori began experimenting with electronic sounds for this album. It took me a while to warm up to it, but now it's a staple in my collection.

Here's an interview from that time (sorry, the sound is a little warbly!):

To Venus And Back 1999-2000

I'm not terribly fond of this album - but there's a few tracks I dig. This was Tori's first double album - one disc of all new songs, and a live disc.

COOLING
Maybe I didnt like to hear
But I still cant believe speed racer is dead
So then I thought Id make some plans
But fire thought shed really rather be water instead

And peggy got a message for me
From jesus
And Ive heard every word that you have said
And I know I have been driven like the snow

This is cooling
Faster than I can
This is cooling
Faster than I can

But do I hate what she is
But do I want to be her
And dont we love something fresh
Anything new, virgin

Woman you got too many brambles
Hiding under these bushes
Woman you got too many brambles
But I always liked a good storm
Im always good for a storm

So then love walked up to like
And said I know that you dont like me much
Lets go for a ride
This ocean is wrapped around that pineapple tree

And is your place in heaven
Worth giving up these kisses
These, these kisses

And peggy got a message for me
From jesus
And Ive heard every word that you have said
And I know I have been driven like the snow, but

This is cooling
Faster than I can
Hey yes, faster than I can
Hey, this is cooling
This is cooling

Strange Little Girls 2001

Strange Little Girls is compiled of songs written by men but performed by Tori from the perspectives of female characters. The songs are composed by such artists as Neil Young, Eminem, Lou Reed, and Lennon/McCartney amongst others.

97 Bonnie And Clyde (Eminem cover)

Scarlet’s Walk 2002

"After the Twins went down, it was a time the masks were down for people, and people were asking questions that they haven't asked in a while," Amos said. "I was asking questions. So we hit the road, it was the most logical thing for us to do; I've been doing it for so long, it's where I find some of my answers. So we went out, and the road trip is part of my life, and the songs started coming." "There's nothing that I can seem to do to make Amber see herself how I see her," Amos explained, using the first person to refer to the album's character. "She's lost pieces of herself that she can't seem to reclaim. So the story takes off from there, and I meet people along the way. Events happen that make me question what I believe in and make me question what my country has been up to, and I start searching out answers: Who are the good guys? Because it doesn't seem like the ones that are calling themselves the good guys are doing the things I thought they were in the country's name."
--Tori; MTV.com News, 09/23/02

ANOTHER GIRL'S PARADISE
you caught me lingering
in another girl's
paradise
the way she paints
the world --
I want that in my
life

Emeralds, you should know,
are renting in her meadow
with a stroke
beauty lives
how could I resist
you are Desire

when it all is said
said and done
who can Love you
and still be standing
there's Mary calling
up a storm
can I take from you
and not keep taking
naked as day
Gemma follows him
Does it all come down to
the thing one girl fears
in the night
is another girl's paradise

through twists and turns
Jasmine foxed me
in her grove
arms filled with
Honeybells, St. Michaels
Sanford Bloods

"you have come to discover
what you want"
what i want is not to
want what isn't mine
"But I am Desire"

when it all is said
said and done
who can Love you and
still be standing
there's Mary calling
up a storm
can I take from you
and not keep taking
naked as day
Gemma follows him
Does it all come down to
the thing one girl fears
in the night
is another
girl's
paradise

Does it all
come down to
the thing one
girl fears
in the night
is another girl
is another girl
is another girl's paradise

"She's on this idea of women now. And, when I think being around all these women who have all these different kind of perceptions of each other. And you could say, some of them are intimidated by each other and some of them are envious and some of them really kind of like the other one but are afraid of being rejected so they don't know how to approach them. And there's all that going on. So busy, like bees. And uh, she makes her way into the warmth of Florida. She takes her time. She's driving now, she's on her own. And she's thinking about women, and women and women's relationships with each other and...what it brings up. And so, she sort of um, goes to the land for this one. This one place that's, where a lot of people come to soak in, to feel sensual and warm and healed and delicious. So she's in Florida, and goes to another land where people go to feel delicious. Another paradise. And she finds that there's room enough for both of them, that they're both very different. And desire is very much a part of all this. And at the end of the day, Desire will do what she does best, which is make you desire that which is not yours. She moves on to away, and then comes back to Florida. Not feeling like she needs to betray one or the other. That she can value both of them, that there's room enough for both of them. I think there's healing all along the way in different parts of this. But that's really for the reader, and the listener to sense, because it's in the music a lot of that. Those are clues that it takes you, I think, to our real feelings. The music is always the place where the clues are."
-- Scarlet Stories CD

The Beekeeper 2005

The Beekeeper is an allegory about that coming storm, and one woman's journey through it. It's not strictly an autobiography, although as Amos admits, "If I didn't relate to it in some way, I wouldn't be able to sing it." It is, however, very much about these times, and about the struggle to find a bedrock of truth beneath the tangle of lies, mythology, casual assumptions and political manipulation that have formed the cultural landscape of the U.S.A. today. For Amos, the problems facing America have less to do with the simplistic duality of "red" and "blue" states than with the ways in which power, faith and relationships have been misunderstood and abused. --Bio, Toriamos.com

Marys Of The Sea

Hey I am not in your way
Hey no need to push me again
I know it's your day in the sun
Last time I checked
he came to light the lamp for everyone

"relax Love"
he said before he left
"take those hands away from your eyes
from where I stand you're in my sky"

you must go
must flee
for they will hunt you down
you and your unborn seed
in all of Gaul
is there safety?
Les Saint Marie de la Mer
You will dance the ring
Marys of the Sea
the lost Bride weeps
Les Saint Marie de la Mer
We will dance your ring

Hey there's a new Jerusalem
Hey you built on rock that's on sand
For now you have hijacked the Son
Last time I checked
he came to light the lamp for everyone

I hear a voice
and it says
"the red of the red rose is it's own
and something no man can divide"
so St. Germain hear the prayer
of this supplicant
for two Scarlet women, Black Madonna

Hey I am not in your way
Hey no need to push me again
I know it's your day in the sun
I know it's your day in the sun
Hey I am not in your way
Hey no need to push me again
I know it's your day in the sun
Last time I checked
he came to light the lamp for everyone

American Doll Posse 2007

"In 2007 we'll tour again with the new record that we're working on now. The box set is the end of an era "it's very much about pulling everything together over the last fifteen years before I jump ship. You have to sense what is going on in the world - it's a really disturbing place right now. A few years ago I had more confidence that people would make the right choices for our leaders in America and they didn't. So therefore it's time to take the gloves off."
-- Tori; Clash Magazine, September 2006

YO GEORGE
I salute to you Commander
And I sneeze
Cause I have now an allergy
To your policies it seems
Where have we gone wrong America
Mr. Lincoln we can't seem to find you anywhere
Out of the millions
From the desserts to the mountains
Over prairies to the shores
Is this just the madness of King George
Yo George
Is this just the madness of King George
Yo George
Well you have the whole nation on all fours

BIG WHEEL
I've been on the other side
Got my lips smacked
Now they're dry
Then you
Call me
Call me in
You think I am your possession
You're messing with a Southern girl
But my recipe is on
With your stale bread
Yeah it's hot
But baby I don't need your cash
So baby maybe I'll let your
Big wheel turn my fantasy
Don't you throw your shade on me
I've been drinking down your pain
I'm gonna turn that whiskey into rain
Wash it away
Wash it away
Wash you away boy
Let's go
I've been on my knees
But you're so hard to please
Did you take me
Take me in
So you are a superstar
Get off the cross
We need the wood
Somehow you will rise
But with attitude
I know honey you're a pro
But baby I don't need your cash
Momma got it all in hand now
Big wheel turn my fantasy

Don't you throw that shade on me
I've been drinking down your pain
You go turn that whiskey into rain
Wash it away
Wash it away boy
Wash you away now
Gimme-8
Gimme-7
Gimme-6
Gimme-5
Gimme-4
Gimme-3
I-I-I am a M-I-L-F
Don't you forget
M-I-L-F
Don't you forget
M-I-L-F
Don't you forget
Baby I don't need your cash
So baby maybe I'll let your
Big wheel turn my fantasy
Don't you throw that shade on me
I've been drinking down your pain
I'm gonna turn that whiskey into rain
Big wheel turn my fantasy
Don't you throw your shade on me
I've been drinking down your pain
I'm gonna turn that whiskey into rain
I'm gonna turn your whiskey
Boy into rain
Wash you away
Wash you away boy
Wash you down
Big wheel

Ok, there ya go. Not incredibly comprehensive, but it works. :)
Enjoy!

Stop my brain, I want to get off

2008-10-08T06:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first live episode of the American Goddess Posse radio show. It went well, I think - but in listening to it I realized that when speaking, I can go way off topic if I keep yapping. My brain is so strange - every issue, idea, dream - shit, every thought; it all kind of overlaps and weaves together and it is hard for me to talk about one static topic, because as I do, my brain is saying "there's this connection and that connection, and oh look - another connection right over here!" I believe I am able to see these connections with relative ease, but actually articulating them in words can take a very long (winded) time for me.
One of the topics was feminism. Now, I have my ideas about this topic, and I may or may not be right about them. I have never studied feminism, you know? Never really read any books on it or anything like that. I feel (and I did mention this on the show) that I am well balanced between my masculine and feminine sides; and I also am not fond of labels. So I was thinking that for me to call myself a feminist would be kinda far reaching, I guess. But what I didn't get into, and I wish that I did, was admitting that maybe I am a feminist in some ways. I truly believe in the power of women, especially when they can break the barriers of superficial bullshit and become a collective; fulfilling their true purpose of being nurturing, wise, healers.
I think that I have been focused on the negative for too long, it's hard to shake it off. I have been getting much, much better at seeing the positive in everything, and letting go of some of my old baggage. Trust and believe, I was not always so calm and collected - I was a hateful cunt at one point in my life, and I most certainly am happy to have gotten past all of that. But I think I still have some issues to get past so that I can focus on what really needs to be said and done. I do jump to analyze problems a lot, which leads me to recommend that people "change their ways", and it really isn't the best approach. These things do come from a good intent on my part, but I can see how they can be misinterpreted because my brain says it one way and my mouth says it another - in ways that maybe most folks wouldn't even want to comprehend, let alone be able to. Sometimes I think the world ain't ready for me, and I am also not ready for the world. But, I am working on it. I want to be more focused and concentrate on the matters at hand when I am participating in the roundtable. I need to try and break my thoughts down to simpler ideas so when I speak it's not so crazy, you know?

Focus, focus, focus.

You can listen to the debut episode of American Goddess Posse here:

just wanted to save this intense numerology report. :)

2008-09-30T08:03:00.001-07:00

Was actually startlingly accurate from what I could tell...

try it yourself if you are so inclined: http://www.bored.com/cosmicnumbers/index.htm

Your Life Path Number is 9
Your Life Path Number represents the path you should take through life and the talents and skills you have to make your journey a rewarding one.

A 9 Life Path will lead you to look at all with love, compassion and tolerance. You will explore the connection that exists between all the things in our universe. You will learn to let go of your own desires to serve the better good of all of us. In whatever field you choose, your endeavors will help heal the wounds life inflicts on those around you. It is your mission to make our world a gentler, kinder place for all of us.

Your Life Destiny Number is 11
Your Destiny Number sheds light on those things you must accomplish in your life to be fulfilled.

You have the Master Number 11 as your Life Destiny Number. Master Numbers indicate nearly complete or complete development of the traits associated with the number they would reduce to. This relation is usually expressed by writing the Master Number and the number it reduces to together. Master Number 11 is often written 11/2.
Freedom and responsibility come with having a Master Number. You have the freedom to choose whether to allow your Master Number traits to express themselves or not. If you opt to act responsibly and use your lofty powers, you will find your reward is in the choice itself. If you choose to ignore your talents, you may find yourself taking more than one step back. You may incur a Karmic Debt.
11's Destiny is to discover spiritual truths so they may inspire and bring joy to others by sharing their knowledge. An 11 Destiny is carried by "old souls" with a deep spiritual connection to the workings of the universe. They are meant to work for the good of all of us--to transform the lives of others for the better.

Your Soul Number is 7
Your Soul Number describes your deepest desires and dreams and the person you truly want to be.

Life's lure for those with a 7 Soul number is a quiet, peaceful atmosphere in which they can pursue truth and explore their inner-self without interference. 7 Souls are basically hermits. They long to be left alone to study and grow spiritually.

Your Personality Number is 4
Your Personality Number reveals the "external you"--the personality traits others will know you by.

You are an ideal citizen: honest and willing to contribute to your community. 4s are conservative, responsible and industrious. They can be counted on to complete any task they take on. 4s do not like surprises or conflict and may flee from either. They make for great builders and managers. The foundations of many good communities have been built by 4s.

Your Maturity Number is 2
Your Maturity Number reveals the person you will come to be--your true self.

As you mature you will become increasingly adept at creating inner and outer peace. You will learn to evoke the same sincerity and sensitivity you have for others from others. In your later years you should find perfect inner peace.

Your Balance Number is 3
As long as your life is on an even or uplifting keel balance numbers are relatively dormant. However, in those times when your life is out of order your Balance Number can become central to resolving the turmoil you are experiencing. Your Balance Number reflects the traits you need to bring to the forefront in order the get through difficult periods with the least amount of damage or time wasted on negative influences.

A 3 Balance Number suggests you should rely on your charm and humor to get you through troubled times. Sullenness and pessimism will really set you back. Allow your rational self to take the lead. Allowing your emotions to run rampant can only hurt you.

The 4 Pinnacles
Pinnacles represent moments in your life in which you realize current goals and learn some of life's lessons. If you are at the beginning of a Pinnacle, then they can be used as a predictive tool to assist in managing your future. Your first Pinnacle begins at birth and last until around the age of 27. Your Second Pinnacle last through the next 9 year and the Third Pinnacle last for 9 years after the Second Pinnacle has passed. Your Fourth Pinnacle picks up where the Third Pinnacle ends and last throughout the rest of your life

Your First Pinnacle Number is 4
You are in a period where you should be building a solid foundation on which to carry on your life. You may be building a home, family or career. Whatever you are doing, it is not a time in which you will or should take it easy.

Your Second Pinnacle Number is 8
An 8 Pinnacle is a time in which you will learn to apply power and authority in an effective way. In this period you should master the basic skills to become a good leader: organization, management and hopefully the application of justice for all.

Your Third Pinnacle Number is 3
You are at a time in life where the door to self-expression is ready to open. This should be a very creative period for you during which you also develop strong friendships and learn to speak from your heart.

Your Fourth Pinnacle Number is 6
A 6 Pinnacle notes a time of love and devotion to friends and family, or possibly the building of a new family after a divorce. During this Pinnacle your energies will be focused on your home-life. You will nurture your loved ones and beautify your surroundings as much as possible. During this Pinnacle that which is in your heart will come to the forefront.

The 4 Challenges
Challenges denote personal weaknesses and temptations you will have to overcome and strengths you will have to develop to fully realize your goals. The 4 Challenges have the same time frame as the 4 Pinnacles.

Your First Challenge Number is 11
Those with an 11 challenge are in a time when they are expected to take their role as leader, inspirer and joy bringer. To meet this challenge successfully they will have to bring the full force of their cosmic insight and vision into play.

Your Second Challenge Number is 2
Your Challenge is to learn how to manage your natural sensitivity to others, aversion to conflict and need for harmony in a way that will not repress your own needs. In time you will learn to balance your needs with those of others.

Your Third Challenge Number is 0
The 0 challenge means the choice of what you do with your life is entirely yours. Yours is an old soul--you've already struggled through all the challenges of the other numbers. Your reward for completing these Challenges is free will. You may face all or any of the challenges of the numbers 1 through 9. You may simply drift through life without a destination or goals. Or you may rise above the struggles of others and use this Challenge period to sculpt a life based on love, integrity, justice and vision. At first glance, this freedom to choose may seem like a vacation, but it isn't. Indeed, the gravity of the responsibility which comes with a 0 challenge is tremendous, because how you choose to address your 0 challenge will profoundly affect the lives of those around you, and, possibly, the entire world.

Your Fourth Challenge Number is 4
Your challenge is to learn the value of practicality, discipline and organization. A 4 challenge is rarely easy. You may find yourself boxed in by boundaries. In this
The 3 Cycles
Cycles occur in 28 year periods. The First Cycle last from birth through your 28th year and is called your Formative or Seed Cycle. The Second Cycle--your Productive or Fruit Cycle--begins at age 29 and last through your 56th year. The Third Cycle, your Harvest Cycle, begins with the coming of your 57th year and last throughout the rest of your life. Your Cycle Numbers tell you the lessons you must learn and goals you must meet to stay on your Life's Path and achieve your true destiny.

Your First Cycle Number is 1
A 1 Cycle indicates a time of action and development. If your First Cycle number is a 1, you are gaining independence and confidence. There may be times when you feel alienated from those around you. A 1 in the Second Cycle reflects a time when you will be confident, determined and able to lead others. A Third Cycle 1 indicates a time in which you will be independent and dynamic. You will be very independent and self-discovery will be a major preoccupation.

Your Second Cycle Number is 3
Your emphasis during this Cycle will be on unleashing your creativity. You will need to focus your energies to get all you can from this Cycle. The reward for traversing this Cycle successfully is a life full of friends and the coming to fruition of your creative talents.

Your Third Cycle Number is 5
Change and the development of personal freedom are the earmarks of a 5 Cycle. You will find fulfillment and joy in the adventures this Cycle holds for you. This Cycle will show you life at its most exciting.

Your Karmic Lesson Number(s) are/is 2 6 7
Karmic Lesson numbers reveal areas in which we need to grow. To become more complete, we need to give extra attention to these areas in this lifetime. If one of your 5 core numbers is the same as a Karmic Lesson Number the significance of the Karmic Lesson Number is reduced.

A 2 Karmic Lesson Number indicates a need to learn the art of diplomacy and tact. Try to be more sensitive to the feelings of those around you. Make an effort to learn to work with others as a team.
The number 2 appears in your core numbers, so the the importance of this number is lessened.

A 6 Karmic Lesson Number denotes an inability or reluctance to make commitments. Even when you do commit yourself to something it may be your nature to hold back any true passion for the commitment or relationship. Over time you might do well to slowly allow your passions to express themselves and put your heart into your commitments and relationships.

A 7 Karmic Lesson Number signifies you may be neglecting your innate talents. Whether it is a lack of will or fear of failure, it appears you are not devoting enough time and energy to honing those talents that are core to your being. You know what you are best at, so embrace it.
The number 7 appears in your core numbers, so the the importance of this number is lessened.

Your Karmic Debt Number(s) are/is 13
Karmic Debt Numbers signify past abuses of your talents that you must make amends for. Like all of us, you have made many choices and taken many actions in your lives. Some of those choices and actions have been mistakes. Your past errors must be addressed, so you can use your Karmic Debt Numbers to identify exactly what type of mistakes you have made in the past and how you can atone for them. top
A 13 Karmic Debt Number implies that somewhere along your being's path you forsake your spiritual self for material gain. You may have abused others to get ahead. Because of your past behavior you may find yourself facing what appears to be one brick wall after another as you try to find success. The key to overcoming these obstacles is perseverance, hard work and the development of a spiritual awareness that keeps you from abusing the rights of others.

Your Lucky Number is 4
Your Personal Lucky Number does not change. This number will be lucky for you your entire life. Your luck derived from this number will be strongest when you are addressing events and issues related to the general meaning of the number. Lucky Numbers should not be relied on to constantly produce positive results, or make impulsive, high risk gambles. They simply mean that where they appear you have an edge. How large an edge is impossible to determine, but seems to increase with the number of occurrences your Lucky Number is be associated with a given event or issue.

Those with a Personal Lucky Number 4 will find their luck derived from 4 strongest when the issue or event concerns the building of new things or maintaining established traditions. Your 4 may come in handy if the stability of your finances or romance is in jeopardy. The luck of a 4 may prove beneficial when trying to provide a stable environment in which a project or person can grow.

Your Signature Number is a 9
Signature numbers are based on how you sign your name. Your signature carries the power and the faults of one of the base 9 numbers. You may actually want to sign different documents with different signatures to reap the benefit of a particular number. For instance, if you are signing an agreement of partnership you might want to alter your signature to reflect the powers of the number 2.

The signature you entered is a 9. The 9 signature is best suited to mark the completion of contracts or payment plans or the giving of donations.

Your Birthday Number is 3
This number is most influential between your 28th and 56th year. While it is not the most important number in your profile, it does have an effect on your Life's Path and Destiny.

You are creative, optimistic and have a great sense of humor. You find it easy to make others happy, put a smile their faces.

Your Personal Year Number is 5
This number tells you what is happening in your life this year. This number should be used to help you avoid setbacks and focus your energies on those areas of your life where you are most likely to achieve your goals.

You are in a year of change. This is a good time to move in new directions, take a few risks. A 5 year is also a time when your curiosity is at its zenith. Make time to sate your inquisitiveness, travel, and explore interests which you have never made time for before.

Your Personal Month Number is 8
This number tells you what is happening in your life this month. Use this number in the same way you would your Personal year number, but apply it only to the current month.

This is a time for you to take things seriously and ensure all aspects of your life are moving in Make time to be alone and allow yourself to evaluate where your life is going.

Your Foundation Letter is M
Having an M Foundation Letter denotes someone with ample energy to take on a project or venture. They have a need to succeed financially.

Your End Letter is E
Having an E End Letter denotes someone who will bring a creative bent to project throughout its lifetime. You will be around to see it finished, because in the end it will probably be "your baby."

Your First Vowel is I
Having an I First Vowel suggest a person who longs for a harmonious environment in which they can nurture their artistic side.

I iz bein edumacated

2008-09-30T06:35:00.000-07:00

I just watched a video on YouTube...

The person that makes these videos is often kinda inflammatory and hateful in their approach, HOWEVER, good points are made a lot of the time, and that is why it peaks my curiosity when videos from this channel pop up in my subscription list.

It inspired me to write about my experience with education, so here I am.
I, like so many of you, went to public elementary, junior, and high schools. Now, before I went to school, I had this grand idea of how great school would be; I couldn't wait to soak up the knowledge like the sponge that I was. Let's just say that after kindergarten, it didn't live up to any of my expectations. I found comfort in libraries because I could read what I wanted to read and not the bullshit boring crap they were giving me at school!
Flash forward to high school, or rather, 8th grade. I was stoked to go to high school, I thought that finally I would start learning more interesting things.

BZZZZZZZT! WRONG!!!

You know what I learned in high school? I'll tell ya.
History is dreadfully dry and yawn-inducing, even when the teacher is a comedian.
Math makes no sense whatsoever.
English is cool - but only when I am able to be creative in my writing, otherwise, it's a chore.
Gym class is a great opportunity to sneak in a few smokes while walking on the track.
Lunch period is good for socializing and that's about it - the food in the cafeteria would make all our grandmothers collectively roll in their graves.
I learned that marijuana and mushrooms were not at all like the propaganda we were all fed. Fortunately I stuck to believing that synthetic hard drugs weren't worth finding out about, regardless of the propaganda lies.

I did love my music classes though. I was lucky and I had a Mr. Holland's Opus kind of music teacher. I could sing half decent, but musical theory eluded me. Reading music notes was not easy for me, and I never did catch on, hard as I tried.

They aren't kidding when they say public school is all about memorization. Personally, the only thing I've ever been good at memorizing is songs I like to sing. So I suppose that's a good thing - memorizing was against everything in me, and because of my rebellious nature, I found ways to scrape by in school without succumbing to their sheep creating ways. By my senior year, I was far more interested in making art, listening to music, going to concerts, hanging out with my friends, crushing on boys, visiting the city, and smoking pot.
It all sounds very debaucherous, I know... But you know what? I learned a lot more from living my life and being empathetic to others than I ever did in those depressing classrooms.
I graduated in 1994 and chose to work for a year to save money before going to the Art Institute of Boston. I attended for one year. Many aspects of it I enjoyed, and I did learn better techniques than what I had taught myself. But, there was still memorization involved here, namely with the required Art History class I had to take. I dropped the class halfway through the first semester. I didn't have time - nor the lame minded ABILITY to memorize all these useless dates and names! I didn't plan to become an art historian or teacher, so I felt it shouldn't have been a requirement. I wanted to finish my four years, but now that I know more about the federal reserve, banking, and credit, I am really glad I dropped out when I did. That was 12 years ago, and I still owe money on that loan. Believe me, they aren't kidding when they say you need that degree to get decent work. Employers in creative fields won't touch your portfolio without that $40,000 piece of paper with your name in calligraphic letters across the front. And, from what I understand from folks with degrees, it doesn't always guarantee you a good paying job. I did manage to find myself in luck as far as art education goes - I worked as an artist model for 4 years at all the best art schools in Philadelphia. They essentially paid me to sit there quietly and learn - but in a different way than the students. I observed the work being done and the interactions between students and professors, as well as my interactions with them. I learned a great deal, and made a lot of great friends and contacts, and my art has benefited from all of that. And I don't owe a damn thing to anyone, except gratitude to the people I met and learned from.
The "system" just simply doesn't work for people like me. From birth I was never really able to be controlled.I was good at pretending to follow the rules, but I was very rebellious! They had me with television for a while - I will say I believed the bigger lies growing up, I thought if it was on TV it must be true and wonderful. But, I snapped out of a lot of that as I got into adulthood, and now - ain't nobody fooling me anymore. I feel like my life until now has been sabotaged by major aspects of society I never agreed with, and did my best not to go along with. I am a thinking person, and thinking people don't get the top jobs, they get the bullshit. Now, I've been creative and talented since I was a kid, always drawing, painting, doing all kinds of artistic things. But what I have learned over the years is that working for other creative people often causes conflicts. Many of us creative types are flaky. I have encountered a few times, situations where my talents and labor were being used for far less than what they are worth. Hell, I even got paid with a 35 dollar bag of marijuana by my boss at a sign painting place - because he spent the business money on coke and jagermeister. He actually owed me about $400 at the time. Another boss hired me to create a website for her. She had me working the retail aspect of her store while squeezing in some web design work; and paid me the retail clerk rate of $7 an hour. I'm kinda glad I've had some flaky bosses because it has strengthened my work ethic and showed me what NOT to do if and when I have my own business!
I have held quite a few corporate jobs as well and in no uncertain terms, THEY SUCK. They don't belong on a peaceful planet where people treat each other with respect. I will never be a slave for them again. I could be an art model for the rest of my life and be happy with that. It's mutually beneficial for all involved, including me - not in spite of me. But, the desire to utilize my creativity burns deep within me, and this is part of why I write. The other part is to hopefully teach whoever comes upon my writings by way of telling my thoughts and stories.

In conclusion...
By society's standards, I suppose they would consider me useless since I didn't allow my brain to be trained for memorization. As a result of that, I don't have that expensive diploma, and no high paying kushy job with health insurance and all that other illusory bullshit. But I also don't have four years of debt. No credit cards. Just 2k worth to pay off sometime before I die.

I may not have a lot of that fake money they've been trying to get me to chase, but I've got a good, thinking head on my shoulders, a relatively strong body, and a creative fire that many will never experience for themselves. I'll be around for a while yet, and laughing at them - as their injustices for so many years to so many people causes them to fall, and fall hard.

Who's got the dunce cap now, bitches?

Discover Wilhelm Reich

2008-09-25T08:44:00.001-07:00

Kate Bush - Cloudbusting
Like Bush's first hit "Wuthering Heights," this is based on a book. It was inspired by Peter Reich's 1973 Book of Dreams, which describes his father Wilhelm's arrest for contempt of court..

Wilhelm Reich was an Austrian psychiatrist who was trained in Vienna by Sigmund Freud. His work combined Marxism and psychoanalysis to advocate sexual freedom. In the 1930s, Reich came up with the concept of "orgone," a physical energy contained in the atmosphere and in all living matter. The "Cloudbuster" was a device he came up with to manipulate the orgone energy in the atmosphere, which would force clouds to form and bring rain..

From http://www.hermes-press.com/reich.htm :
John Stuart Mill said that "mankind can hardly be too often reminded, that there was once a man named Socrates, between whom and the legal authorities and public opinion of his time, there took place a memorable collision [so that Socrates was] put to death as a criminal."

In a similar vein, Americans can hardly be too often reminded that there was once a man named Wilhelm Reich who died in an American federal prison on charges which today would be laughed out of any court..

Reich had attained his medical degree in Germany and studied psychoanalysis with Sigmund Freud, becoming one of Freud's favorites. Reich was an activist in the German Communist party during the 1930s, but his ideas and teaching disagreed with the party line, and he was expelled from the party in 1933. He later became one of its most unrelenting opponents. In 1939, with World War II approaching, Reich moved to the United States..

In 1947, following a vicious smear article in the New Republic by Mildred Edie Brady, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) began an investigation into Reich's orgone energy accumulator. The Brady article claimed that Reich was conducting a sex racket, and the FDA assumed that his books must be pornographic literature. The FDA gestapo were uninterested in scientific information concerning the accumulator, and when Reich refused to cooperate with their witch hunt, the investigation bogged down, lacking any evidence against the accumulator..

In 1954, during the Joe McCarthy era, the American feds decided to go after Reich again. Without any proof whatsoever, the Food and Drug Administration succeeded in having a federal court brand the accumulator a fraud, with the added dictum that orgone energy does not exist, and the order that all literature even mentioning orgone energy should be burned. The FDA placed a ban on transporting or using Reich's orgone boxes. Because one of Reich's co-workers continued to transport the orgone boxes, Reich was imprisoned. He died of a heart attack in prison at the age of 60 in 1957, the day before he was to go up for parole..

Today, Reich's books are on sale throughout the world and orgone accumulators are sold in the United States, Germany, and other countries. An orgone box is a 5 by 2 1/2 by 2 1/2 foot box made of layers of sheet metal and wood which Reich claimed pulled a physical-psychic energy from the universe. The accumulators were purchased by doctors and psychiatrists in both the U.S. and abroad..

In 1940 Reich spent five hours with Einstein. When Reich left, he said to Einstein, "You understand now why everyone thinks I'm mad." Einstein replied: "And how."

Reich wrote Listen, Little Man! in 1946 and it was published in 1948. The book is Reich's warning to the common man in all societies that he, the little, average man, is lethally responsible for the rapidly spreading social cancer of fascism. Reich had seen how common citizens in Germany embraced their enslavement by their Nazi overlords. He was now seeing the reappearance of the same phenomenon in the United States and Europe. Someone needed to tell the average citizen that his personal characteristics were at the root of the world-wide plague of totalitarianism..

Reich explains the nature of his book in his introduction:

"It reflects the inner turmoil of a scientist and physician who had observed the little man for many years and seen, first with astonishment, then with horror, what he does to himself; how he suffers, rebels, honors his enemies and murders his friends; how, wherever he acquires power 'in the name of the people,' he misuses it and transforms it into something more cruel than the tyranny he had previously suffered at the hands of upper-class sadists."

"Those who are truly alive are kindly and unsuspecting in their human relationships and consequently endangered under present conditions. They assume that others think and act generously, kindly, and helpfully, in accordance with the laws of life. This natural attitude, fundamental to healthy children as well as to primitive man, inevitably represents a great danger in the struggle for a rational way of life as long as the emotional plague subsists, because the plague-ridden impute their own manner of thinking and acting to their fellow men. A kindly man believes that all men are kindly, while one infected with the plague believes that all men lie and cheat and are hungry for power. In such a situation the living are at an obvious disadvantage. When they give to the plague-ridden, they are sucked dry, then ridiculed or betrayed."

"It is high time for the living to get tough, for toughness is indispensable in the struggle to safeguard and develop the life-force; this will not detract from their goodness, as long as they stand courageously by the truth. . . . Anyone who wants to safeguard the life-force from the emotional plague must learn to make at least as much use of the right of free speech that we enjoy in America for good ends as the emotional plague does for evil ones. Granted equal opportunity for expression, rationality is bound to win out in the end. That is our great hope."
Most of the articles in this journal and in alternative, progressive magazines and newspapers worldwide, point out the fascistic tendencies of the ruling elites in the various nations. But it is particularly relevant at this period in our national experience as Americans to be aware of the fatal collusion of the "average man and woman" in the rapid increase in totalitarianism, such as the secret military tribunals, the failure of the Bush administration to investigate the causes of the 9/11 attacks, the give-away of trillions to the monied interests, and the deliberate attacks on constitutional liberties..

In Listen, Little Man!, Reich lambastes the average citizen for not only cooperating with dictators such as Mussolini, Hitler, and Stalin, but actually embracing them and worshipping them, as is now happening in the "high approval ratings" for our illegally non-elected, illiterate, unilateralistic, plutocratic, dictatorial American president, not to put too fine a point on it. The TV stations and New York Times editorials bore us silly with how Bush has turned from a sow's ear into a silk purse, becoming a genuine leader, taking the "moral high-ground," and "making the hard decisions."

It's almost enough to make one think: "the American people are getting the kind of leaders they deserve." Almost, but not quite. No nation deserves the kind of raping and pillaging of our American way of life that the current Bush administration is carrying out.
The 200% American jingoism that we suffered from for several months after 9/11 is somewhat subsiding--one doesn't see the pickups with two large flags blowing in the breeze or the flags flying in front of homes 24 hours nonstop as much as before. But Americans are going to have to wake up and take responsibility for this new dictatorship or we're all going down the tubes!

In the same vein as the recent article in this journal, "The Current Necessity for Critical Thinking," Reich's book hammers away at how the "common man and woman" must learn to think for themselves before they end up as cannon fodder in a so-called new world war against terrorism (which is actually a new war against American liberties). .

More info:
http://www.orgonite.info/
http://www.wilhelmreichmuseum.org/index.html
http://www.orgonelab.org/wrhistory.htm
http://inventors.about.com/od/qrstartinventors/a/orgone.htm
http://nickcooper.com/mass.htm
http://www.wilhelmreich.net/

How To STOP Chemtrails: A DIY Solution !!!

are you really listening?

2008-09-24T11:23:00.001-07:00

Music and art have, for many years, held up a mirror to our society. It is not merely entertainment - nor is it just about image, either. All our modern day prophets are artists. Turn on your right brain and listen up.

Lyrics - marilyn manson I Don't Like The Drugs (But The Drugs Like Me)

Tori Amos Father's Son lyrics

Lyrics - Mos Def Speed Law

Lyrics - Lauryn Hill Everything Is Everything

my art and murals blog

2008-09-18T11:46:00.001-07:00

Hey folks. I'm back on the art wagon. Hopefully this time for good. I've gotta stop suppressing my talents and use them...

Please check out (and follow, if you so desire) my new blog:
http://muralsbymamachelle.blogspot.com/

If you or anyone you know needs a creative person to assist them with any kind of artistic project, let's talk!

i see the moon and the moon sees me

2008-09-17T19:06:00.000-07:00

just took this in the yard while helping Joe brew a kick ass pumpkin ale. I hope you like it.

EMERGENCY - YouTube DELETING ACCOUNTS Imposing Mass Censorship NOW at the request of US Government

2008-09-17T14:36:00.001-07:00

pass it along

Camel Crush: WTF more chemicals?

2008-09-15T11:50:00.000-07:00

OK, so I just found out about this new cigarette, Camel Crush. Sounds like a smoking giantess fetishist's wet dream, but unfortunately, I think it's far more sinister and disgusting.
It all sounds pretty neat-o upon first explanation: It's a regular Camel Full-Flavor cigarette, but there's this little plastic capsule in the filter, and when you crush it between your fingers, voila! You now have a menthol cigarette. Wowie zowie!
Here's the thing, though: what the fuck is IN that little capsule? I ventured to find out and came up mostly short handed and definitely unconvinced that this is a cigarette i would want to smoke. A few sources, in describing the Camel Crush, say that the capsule "releases a chemical". Uh oh, sounds yucky. Other sources say the capsule "releases menthol". Ok, that's a little nicer, though menthol - while it can be produced naturally, is often synthetic - especially in cigarettes. So either way I look at it, the Camel Crush is merely a GIMMICK. Nothing more, nothing less.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking - smoking is baaaad for you! Yes, it is. This message is not for you, however - it's for the folks who utilize their freedom of choice and decide to enjoy tobacco products. Smokers, please. Do not fall for this gimmick. If you've done any research on how pre-made cigarettes are manufactured, then you know that when you smoke a Marlboro, Camel, or any other pre-made cigarette (with perhaps the exceptions of American Spirits and Black Hawks/other Indian Reservation smokes) they are about 40% fresh dried tobacco, the rest can be anything from factory floor dust, to stale tobacco, assorted chemicals, dead insects, etc. Isn't that BAD ENOUGH without adding a dubious capsule into the filter that has god-only-knows-what in it?

Please start rolling your own, smokers. Aren't you tired of giving the government and tobacco companies so much of your money for a sub-par product? You could quit smoking, but I'm not planning on it so I won't preach to you to do that either. Just don't buy the gimmicks. It's all bullshit, tactics to get your money AND attract new smokers, particularly teenagers.

i have to start somewhere...

2008-08-20T13:35:00.000-07:00

For the last few months I have been caught up in the wave of the "truth movement". I guess I identify with it so much because I have been waiting for it to happen for so long. I've mentioned before that I quit watching TV over a decade ago, and even long before that, as a child, I saw all the gross unfairness of the world very plainly. I didn't have all the answers then, and I still don't. But I do have some ideas formulating in my mind and I can't keep them to myself. As someone who is hungry for knowledge, equally hungry for positive change, and a pretty good observer/analyst, I can't just sit back and see how it all plays out. I need to do what I can to help people bring about positive change. Not a lot of people are talking about this. Everyone is spreading news around, and there's so much of it that it makes it all a little hard to take in. It gets confusing, because there are so many theories, and it's very hard to figure out which theories we should be worrying about the most, and more importantly than worrying - what are we going to do? We can't pass news around to our little groups on the net all the time, it's not productive. While I do agree that reaching a broader audience with these matters is quite imperative, I don't agree with most of the ways it is being done at the moment. Here is what I am seeing:

bulletins posted on myspace
The thing about MySpace bulletins is that the only people who see them are the people in your friends list. If each person in your friends list has friends who post bulletins actively, then there is the chance your bulletins aren't getting seen - they're being buried under the hundreds of other bulletins being posted. Due to the "group think" mentality that many of us still have not shed, our friends lists are often comprised of other folks who already know the same stuff we're posting about. So it's like a vicious circle. We post and repost news articles, and they aren't getting much further than the reach of our collective friend lists. THIS IS NOT TO SAY THAT BULLETINS CANNOT BE FAR REACHING. However, the average person on MySpace doesn't bother with bulletins all that much - I know a lot of folks who find them annoying and don't even look at them, but there are still others who keep up with them voraciously. To put this all very bluntly: Posting MySpace bulletins isn't a bad idea, it's just that if we put a quarter of that energy into other forms of communication, and add some creativity, we'd have a larger impact. I'll get into more of this later.

Message Board Forums
Just like MySpace bulletins, you will find endless amounts of videos, links, articles, and more on these forums. There is much debate in these forums, and that's all well and good, but I would really like to see more people discussing solutions and brainstorming about what we can do. We all need to get offline. Posting stuff online is fine, but it cannot be where our activism ends. Why? Because, contrary to what you may think, not everybody uses the internet! And of the folks who do use the internet, not all of them see your bulletins, blogs, videos, message boards, and so on. Now I know what you're thinking - "But Chelle, you're writing all this in a blog, isn't that kinda hypocritical?" No, dear reader, and the reason why is because a lot of the activism is HERE where we are reading and consuming new info every day. Up until now, that is what I have been doing. I have been doing it because I don't have a lot of other options - for the moment. I have no car, I am quite literally, stuck in the woods living a semi-self-sufficient hermit lifestyle. I am doing all I can to break free from the hermit aspect of that and we are moving to a small city in NH that has a lot of activism happening in the community. I can no longer sit in front of this computer and spew news and info to a small network of already interested people. I need to create art, I need to write, I need to inspire and be inspired. Now that I've got this going on, I want to get it in your heads that we all need to do more than sit at our computers and post stuff to each other. There are millions of other folks out there who don't know about what we know, and we need to start figuring out ways to get it to seep into their consciousness. There are people out there who are not questioning their reality, or if they are, they are not feeling empowered enough to do anything about it. Hell, I suspect many of us don't feel empowered either. I would like to help change that. I believe in the power of every single person on this planet to think rationally and critically, and motivate themselves and others to make a positive change for us all.

Looking for leaders.
I think there is no other point more important to make, here. It has been said by many of the people that we turn to to lead us. And that is BE A LEADER. Every single one of us must do our part without fear, and we all have to understand that no *one* person, group, or entity is going to tell us how to do it. We need to come together and do what we can individually and as a group or groups. We aren't sheep, remember? So why do so many of us still have this herd/shepherd mentality? We don't have a leader, we have a shitload of pissed off/scared/dis empowered people looking for solutions and coming up short because we aren't working on solutions ourselves; we're waiting for some person to write the handbook on the revolution. There isn't one! Sure there are resources, but we have to take this knowledge in and think outside the box to figure out how we are going to make positive change together, and start sharing THAT information with each other as we find new and creative ways to share what we know with folks who don't know yet. God isn't gonna fix this, aliens are not likely to come spirit us away in their pleasure ships, and the next president or prime minister or king or whoever isn't gonna do it for us. This is about every single one of us who wants freedom, liberty, and justice taking personal responsibility.

Infighting and petty disagreements
There's a lot at stake here, folks. I'm not shitting you when I say that we are in a war for our minds, our money, and our power. A lot of you know this, and I know a lot of you feel powerless against it. I do too sometimes. But I know deep down that there is a positive solution for every wrong in the world. There's quite a few people out there who are well intentioned but allow their prejudices to dictate how they handle things. There are still others who are purposely trying to start fires with disinformation, petty insults, and other tactics meant to turn us against one another. I cannot stress enough how important it is to think before you speak, set aside any differences or prejudices you may have, and be positive in all your dealings. It won't be long before the insincere among us will be singled out and ignored. If you are sincere about freedom, don't count yourself among their ranks. There is no room for hatred and bitterness anymore; it's what has caused a lot of the problems in our world. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs, and everyone should respect one another's beliefs. It is pointless to try and get someone to change - everyone makes that choice for themselves. I know it can be painful; as an example, 8 years ago when my best friend started doing heroin, I was consumed with how in the hell I was going to get her off it. I talked to her, her family, expressed my deep concerns. There was no way to get her off the dope because she didn't WANT to get off the dope. She was stubborn without the new addiction, but the addiction made it even worse. The same scenario is true for anything you think you have the right to change in someone else. Their religion, their work ethic, their taste in music - there is no logical reason to chastise someone for these things, nor is there any logical reason to try and aggressively change them. Acceptance is VERY key. You want freedom? Well, be free, and let others be free to make mistakes and achievements and learn from them. I'm not saying you gotta love everyone unconditionally, but if someone's ideas or beliefs are grating to you, take a step back and think about why that is - and if it's too unbearable for you to deal with, just don't associate with that person. There's 6 billion of us. We can't all be friends, but we can be mindful enough and respect one another enough that we aren't enemies. This utopian mindset may be impossible to achieve, but we can start here and hope it catches on, can't we? People don't respect one another at all, and many jump at the opportunity to drag someone else down. If you want to bring about positive change, you really need to curb that behavior if you haven't already. There is no room for drama here. We have a lot of important work to do, and not a lot of time to get it done. There is a job for everyone. Figure out what it is you can do, and do it.

Ok, so there ya have it. These are the things I'm seeing that need to change. Don't take my word as gospel, this is just little old me taking a look at what's going on, processing it, analyzing it, and coming to some conclusions. I am not assuming that anyone is going to do as I say, but this is how I am handling things myself and I'm not gonna complain if a lot of folks take on the same model of thinking and working. More than anything, I want to see ideas for solutions start cropping up more than news/video bulletins. I don't have all the answers, but I believe that if we band together and find ways to communicate our ideas to one another, we can come up with some great possibilities and begin working towards them. This has to begin with acceptance, I can't stress that enough. If any of us are hung up on our racial/religious/financial/whatever differences, we aren't gonna progress, and it's also not freedom if we are trying to influence other people's ways of life. We all want to be free, so let's not be fascists to each other.

I have expressed in other blogs some things I think we can do to make positive changes and take back what's been taken from us. I will try and condense these things into a list for you to ponder.

Instead of copying and pasting videos and articles, take the information in and bring it back out as something of your own.
What does this mean? Find your talents and use them. Make art, make music, write, make zines and flyers. And don't keep it to yourself, put it out there for others to see. Not everyone is talented like this, and if you find yourself not in this category, there's some other ideas for you...

Distribute information.
Hand out flyers, DVD's, zines, stickers... Whatever info you can find, copy, and distribute, do it -off the internet, in the real world wherever it is needed most. Get in touch with artists, musicians, writers, and other creatives and figure out ways of getting their work out into the public.

Organize events.
I know there's folks out there who are promoters or organizers of events. There are many already in existence, but a large percentage of them are just parties, or promoting products. Now's as good a time as any to create more events that have a message. People like to go to parties, so why not organize one around a topic that could use some awareness? You can have a movie night at your house, a meeting at a bookstore or coffee house, or you can pull out all the stops and have a concert or craft fair or any kind of event you can think of. There is no event that is too big or too small, it just depends on your connections, finances, and abilities.

Get involved in local government.
This is not my area of expertise and I have no clue how to get into this. If it interests you and you think you can pull it off, go for it. If you don't know anything about it, investigate. On a personal level, I'm rather anarchistic in my beliefs; I would rather see no government, but I have no idea how feasible that really is. I am a creative artsy type and this area holds no interest for me, but I feel it may be vitally important. So, if you can rock it, then rock it!

Vote with your dollars.
Well, seeing as how dollars are becoming more and more useless, I have no idea how this is going to play out in the near future. I think corporations are a VERY BIG PROBLEM, and as such, I am boycotting as many of them as I can by being extremely frugal, only buying what I really need, and when I do buy things, I buy from other people as much as I can. If every single person in the truth movement tried to figure out ways to get what they need or want from other people and not corporations, it would be very interesting to see how fast the corporations begin to crumble. We need to have our own system fully functional and in place. There are already many resources - farm stands, farmer's markets, thrift shops, mom and pop establishments, flea markets, yard sales, eBay, Etsy, and more are out there. Sure, it takes some of the convenience out of things, but if you haven't figured it out yet - our convenience comes from the same corporations who are bleeding us dry, poisoning us, and throwing a wrench into the workings of the world. So go the extra mile to get things from Fred the farmer or Jane the crafter instead of Wal Mart or Target.

Civil disobedience through art and creativity.
Make signs, or get signs from someone else and put them in prominent places. Think about traffic. Put a sign on a road that gets a lot of cars, or on an overpass. Keep an eye out. if it goes down, replace it. Put stickers in public bathroom stalls, on street signs, on newspaper boxes... Be creative and think about ways you can send a message to a lot of people without getting in any trouble. If you're crafty, use stencils or wheatpasting techniques. You can find video and text tutorials for these online, just do a google search.

Think about self sufficiency.
Grow food. If you have a yard, or any land, or a rooftop, or even a window box. Grow food. Encourage others to do so. Learn about gardening if you don't know already. There are tons of resources for this, from online, to books and magazines, to your grandma.
Learn about alternative sources of energy and figure out ways to implement them in your homes and communities.

These are just a few ideas. Let's face it folks, if enough of us are making our own food, energy, and resources, the big boys will be shit out of luck. Show them what you want by making it for yourselves. Get the messages out in ways that empowers people. We've had enough scares to last us a lifetime, and scaring people doesn't always work. It obviously doesn't move people to do anything more than pass on the scary messages to anyone who might listen, and it's a chain reaction. Yeah, the shit is scary, but let's focus on empowering ourselves and others to make a change instead of just being afraid.

RON PAUL 4409 -- The grand scheme to destroy the internet!

2008-08-15T20:50:00.001-07:00

Ron Paul Revolution 7-12-2008

2008-07-12T12:54:00.001-07:00

The first video coverage of the March.
No major media outlets are covering this, surprise surprise. MTV is supposedly going to be there, but I doubt it's a big deal.
We need to call CNN and other news outlets and demand they report on this event.

It's the End of the World as We know it and I feel FINE #34

2008-07-05T23:33:00.001-07:00

CAN YOUUU DIGGG ITTTTTT!

sigh...

2008-07-05T22:17:00.000-07:00

I miss Joe.
Last night I didn't get to sleep until 3:30am, and that was after taking melatonin and smoking some herb.
It's now 1:18am, I am vaguely tired, kinda hungry... My brain is really going a million miles an hour.
I'm so glad he'll be home tomorrow. I didn't realize how much I depend on his snugglyness at night.

digging for truth

2008-07-05T10:05:00.001-07:00

Like many of you, I am looking around at the world and wondering exactly what's wrong, and what it is I can do about it. 12 years ago, I moved out on my own, away from my family, and for the first time, I didn't have television to watch every day. After 6 months, I realized I didn't miss it. For many years, I just never bothered hooking up cable tv in any of the places I lived. About 6 years ago, I hit a rough spot and was living in a hotel for about a year. Cable tv included. However, it was even more of a joke than I had remembered. "Reality" TV shows made me angry - I knew that it wasn't real at all. Sitcoms bored me. The news - oh, don't get me started on the news channels. But the worst was the commercials. Everything I saw on television, no matter what it was, was a painful reminder that lots of other people in the world lived in luxury while I sat in my tiny hotel room, with crack addicts for neighbors, struggling to pay the weekly rent and eat with my minimum wage job. At that time, I was mostly concerned with getting out of my little hell. I knew that something about 9/11 wasn't right, but didn't quite know what, yet. I knew that something was wrong about the war on drugs. I knew that there was something wrong with the police. I knew that, for all intensive purposes, I was ALONE in this great big world, that no matter how hard I worked, and how kind I was to others, I would always, inevitably, end up letting the most manipulative and backstabbing people into my life - over and over again. So I knew something was wrong with society too, because I couldn't seem to find anyone like me, people who held loyalty and friendship in high regard... People who would give you the shirt off their backs... I had always heard these folks existed, but for too many years, I was the only one I knew, and I got walked on repeatedly.

It's sad, but I didn't give up. I moved to a big city, and my ideals were becoming more realistic. I was meeting people who went to protests, co-ops, anarchist demonstrations, critical mass bike rides... I was in my element. I could walk or ride my bike anywhere and everywhere, eat organic food, talk to like minded individuals... But after a while, I thought that living out in the woods would be better for me. Too many people in that big city. Too noisy, too hectic, sometimes too scary. I wanted to grow a garden and live off the land. I wanted to have solar panels, and have my whole life set up for self sufficiency - because if there's one thing I have learned in my life's travels - it's that I am the only person I can truly rely on in the long run. The system didn't help me when I needed a place to live, or food to eat, so there was no way I would ever get to a point in my life again where I had nothing. When I moved into this little place in the woods that my boyfriend kind of inherited, I was determined to set about getting a garden ready, and making the place self sufficient. We are still making the transition, and it's possible that we may buy land and have to start over somewhere else, but that's fine. We have the knowledge we need and the courage and work ethic to make it happen.

But I'm not only concerned for us. I'm concerned for you and everyone else out there. Even the jerks who would have stepped on me years ago when I was in a vulnerable place. We all have the basic human right to freedom - and it certainly seems like the folks with all the money out there would have no troubles seeing all of us lose it all to them. This saddens me so greatly, because I know, and have always known, that if I were one of the fortunate ones, I would be using my resources to help anyone I could, regardless of whether I think they deserve it or not. No one is really in any place to judge anyone else, because at the end of the day, we are all HUMAN BEINGS. We were all born into this world to teach, love, protect, and take care of each other. But with each passing year, we all grow further and further apart. Racism, sexism, ageism... Political labels such as left, right, liberal, conservative... Societal labels we put on ourselves... It's all just so ridiculous it hurts my brain. Why? because it's all just excuses for us to feel like we're better than someone else. It's about hatred, segregation, and separation. Forgive me if I sound too idealistic here, but WHY can't we all just accept one another's differences? We're all here, let's make the most of it instead of putting each other down all the time. Because if there is a New World Order, and people start dying in large numbers, in the streets, or in the hospitals... If disaster strikes us in the form of nature or nuke, are we seriously going to shy away from helping someone who needs us just because they are not just like us in some way? I SHOULD HOPE NOT, FOLKS!

Anyway, lately in my travels, I am seeing more of this hatred and finger pointing than ever before. Especially now that people are questioning reality, authority, government, and much much more. One side says "9/11 was an inside job!" while the other side snickers and tells them they are "conspiracy nuts". Who's right? Who's wrong? Well, that's up to you to decide, I'm not here to tell you what you should believe, but I WILL tell you to do your research before you set about having a knee-jerk reaction to something you don't agree with. The maturity levels of many people in this country are getting lower and lower. It's no coincidence that many of those folks get their news from - you guessed it - the TV! And it's not their fault, TV is supposed to be this great thing, everyone's got one. But what you don't realize is that you get sucked into this fake reality, this pixellated world that tells you exactly how to dress, what to eat, what car you should own, who your idols should be... Essentially, it's telling you what to think. And if you are one of the people who doesn't agree with all of that, you are a societal outcast. It shouldn't be that way. When it comes to politics, the TV zombies only know that come voting day, it's either Obama or McCain. But that's not true at all - those are just the candidates that the folks in charge want you to fight over. Do you look at the ingredient labels on your food? Are you mystified by what exactly 'monosodium glutamate' or 'high fructose corn syrup' is? You're not alone. But yet you'll eat it because it's "A brand name that you can trust". Guess what? It's NOT. Go ahead and do the research. Find out what they substitute in your food supply so that THEY save money! Aren't you mad that you've been deceived? Aren't you mad that you haven't had a real choice? Don't you want to investigate and see what else is out there? It seems to me that more people want some real change but they expect a president to take care of it all. No, we ALL need to take responsibility for ourselves and each other. There is no magic man in the sky that is going to make all the bad stuff go away - and I know that those of you who pray every day know that to be true deep down in your hearts. YOU are the change. I am the change. WE are the change. There is no magic wand, there is no mystical snap of the fingers. WE need to take our power back, and make life good again, for everyone.

I POWER: Net Neutrality Pt.3

2008-07-04T21:42:00.001-07:00

Love your internet? Do something.

Happy 4th, I guess.

2008-07-04T13:49:00.000-07:00

Not having a car definitely has it's disadvantages.
It's the 4th, I live in "America's Hometown", so festivities are happening close by, but not close enough to walk to!
The festivities aren't all that appealing to me, but my 9 year old is bored to tears, and here we are, stuck in our house in the woods, with nothing to do.
Bah.

edit:
Why must I be so painfully shy sometimes?
Anyway, Liam and I did get to see fireworks last night. At the end of our dirt path is a large pond with a beach and some houses... There was a pretty rockin 4th of July shindig going on down there... Liam jumped right in and made some friends, but I felt insanely out of place, like a party crasher... So I just kinda kept to myself and had an eye on Liam. I said hi to a couple of the adults there, but no one really invited me to hang out, so I just kept an eye on Liam and watched the fireworks until about 10:30. Well, we did something, at least. Even kept it kinda traditional. It would have been more fun if I could have grown a pair and talked to more people, but I just didn't feel like I could. Awkward.

Etsy - buying and selling HANDMADE!

2008-07-03T07:06:00.000-07:00

I have sung the praises of Etsy before, as a seller and as a buyer. It's an absolutely wonderful website, and if you are concerned about corporations, you should consider checking it out! Everyone is so concerned about recession and a possible depression... Well, let's start supporting each other instead of the capitalist greed mongers, shall we?
I'll let these articles and the site speak for itself.

http://www.triplepundit.com/pages/buy-local-buy-beautiful-etsy-t-002960.php
http://www.etsy.com/index.php

Join my Etsy Lovers group on care2!
http://www.care2.com/c2c/group/etsylovers

Enough Is Enough.

2008-07-02T14:34:00.001-07:00

We're in trouble.

2008-07-02T09:13:00.001-07:00

The barrage of information is never ending.
"The Truth" is out there, but who can you trust to tell you the truth?
Everyone wants to over analyze everything, get into semantics, point fingers, and HATE HATE HATE.
We all know we're in trouble, we all know that there's a million things wrong with the world, the wars, society. But it seems most people who are angry are getting angry at each other, and at the public figures speaking out - nitpicking their statements to the point of ridiculousness.
I have no desire to follow the particular statements of any one person, but I admire the work of the folks who care about the human race enough to say something. The people who dig for the truth and expose it fearlessly. Some of them come under scrutiny, they are called liars and conspirators. Maybe that's true - I don't know any of them personally so I can't judge their character for myself. What I do know is that regardless of who's lying or not, we all need to stop pointing fingers and focusing on hatred. So many people are more interested in discrediting others instead of helping to bring about change. You people are STAGNATING with all of this! You aren't making a difference, you aren't digging for real truth. You just want to incite more people to hatred.
Enough is enough. No more hate. For anyone, even the people who are out there doing evil deeds. I'm not saying you need to love them, but stop focusing on it so damned much. Focus your anger into making change in your lives and the lives of others. Peace will never be achieved if the best we can do is hate each other for our differences!

Cynthia McKinney Announces Run for President

2008-07-02T07:48:00.001-07:00

Network

2008-07-01T16:03:00.001-07:00

truth. ftw.

wow...

2008-06-30T11:28:00.000-07:00

I guess I have a hater on YouTube. (EDIT: found out who it was. I left some constructive criticism for a YT video a couple days ago... That user logged into a different account and left me a nasty comment on one of my videos, then I guess he proceeded to rate all of my videos a 1. C'est la vie... Some people never grow up, I guess...)

working manuscript about some subject that I am not yet aware of...

2008-06-30T10:24:00.000-07:00

I should write.
I remember when I was a kid, I boldly proclaimed to anyone who asked what I wanted to be when I grew up - "I want to be an author!" I loved books so much. I could read for hours, every day. As I grew up, the allure of music and art beckoned to me. I didn't read nearly as voraciously as I did in grammar and middle school. I was always quite good at illustration, even from a young age. But I lack the passion to create art daily. When I begged for and received an electric bass guitar for Christmas right before my 15th birthday, I tried very hard to learn it, but found it uncomfortable and hard to understand, so I didn't stick with it.
But writing is something I've always done. I have certainly had my periods where I didn't write anything at all, and for the last several years, all I have really written is journal and blog entries, and the occasional long-ass rant on a forum.
I feel confident that I could write some fine fiction, maybe even screenplays. Non-fiction, while I love to read it, holds little interest for me. I could write a non fiction book about something that really interests me or is close to my heart, (which is part of why writing journal entries is so easy for me) but other than that, creative writing is my forte.
I haven't had an idea for a story in years, though. After a while, I just stopped trying. The last short fiction stories I wrote were strange horror fests, mostly based on very powerful nightmares I had experienced. Honestly, I haven't had a nightmare that inspired me to write a story since then. I haven't had many nightmares at all. Hell, I haven't even had that many vivid dreams, in general. And the ones that are vivid are often so incohesive that they wouldn't make up a good story, anyway.
I don't think I need to rely on my dreams to come up with something good, though. The stories I wrote when I was young revolved around my daydreams and childhood fantasies. Here's the scary thing... I don't have many daydreams or fantasies anymore, either.

What's wrong with me?
It's like my mind got lost somewhere... I retained my intellect but lost my ability to really DREAM.
I think I need a vacation from the internet.

the big question

2008-06-30T07:17:00.000-07:00

OK, so maybe you're worried. Maybe, like myself, you are very concerned about the state of the world right now. You've found so much information that just completely smashes to bits all of what you've been taught. You know it's not right. You know it's not fair. But "life isn't fair", so they say. Does that mean that you're just going to give up? Yeah, I know, it's all so overwhelming that the temptation to just continue existing instead of living is huge. But what I am finding is that maybe it's not so hard after all.
Whenever I see a video or read an article about 9/11, or civil rights, or how our government doesn't honor our constitution, I want to know, "What can I do?" Most people say "write to your Congressperson." And that's all well and good, and I have been known to do it on occasion. But there's never a response, so how do I know that my letter has even been read, let alone considered? Honestly, that just makes me think that writing letters is a monumental waste of time. I will continue to do it for causes I feel very strongly about, because perhaps the reason I get no response is because of the thousands of other letters they receive about the same subject.
So what else can I do? Well, personally, I have been living a lifestyle that is not taxing on the environment and my wallet. I have never really had a "good paying" job, so I have always had to be frugal, anyway. As it turns out, being frugal is quite a bit more enjoyable than having all the money I need to buy anything I want. It requires some creativity on my part, which I rather like.
I will admit, not having much money can be frustrating. I realized a long time ago that working for any corporation is enough to make me want to put a noose around my neck and jump, and even working for independent business owners has it's fair share of burdens for me. I have long known that I wanted to have a business of my own, but could never quite settle on what to pursue. A big part of my problem is, I want to do it all, but having no money to go into it with makes it very hard. I am currently doing what I can with the resources I have available.
I realize that my one basic desire is to be self sufficient. I don't want to rely on anyone else for my comfort, my needs, or anything else. It's not that I don't appreciate the help when it comes to me, but I don't go out of my way to get it. The reason is because in all the jobs I have had, (with very few exceptions) I have experienced that "having a boss" is one of the most frustrating and stressful things I have had to deal with. All the jobs I have liked always came with a catch. Like when I worked at a sign shop, painting all day, but my boss was an alcoholic and coke head, so I sometimes didn't get paid. Or when I worked for a small new age shop that wanted a website - but I wound up working the counter at the store more often than I got to work on the website, and when I did work on the site, I was getting paid as though I was working the counter of the shop. Don't get me started on the corporate bosses I have dealt with over the years. Evil, I tell you.
The only job I have had that I enjoyed and stuck with for more than 2 years was art modeling (which I wrote about in detail in an earlier post.) It was more like freelancing than "reporting for duty"... I didn't really have a boss, just a few kind folks who helped me create a schedule every semester and would hand me a check every 2 weeks. No dress codes, no bullying, no intimidation. Just show up, do the work, get paid. No stress.
I was talking to Joe the other day about how hard it would be for me to get a small business loan, because I don't have a spotless credit record (though I will say I haven't accumulated much debt in my lifetime - mostly student loans and medical bills) no one would consider giving me a loan. However, immigrants come to the US and they are given the opportunity to own a business. I don't hold this against the immigrants, of course, but it is rather unfair that a lifelong American citizen like myself can't receive this opportunity, but someone who just came here for the first time can. The system is pretty fucked, if you ask me. But I don't want their help. I mean, if our system wasn't corrupt, I would certainly be more willing, but I want nothing from them (and it's not like they would give me anything, anyway.) I know, it's my responsibility to pay back my debts, but how can I when I barely make enough to live on? I am so glad I saw from early on that credit cards were nothing more than plastic doom. And in some respects I wish I never went to art school for that one year - had I been able to finish and get my degree, I might have been able to find a suitable job that would pay me what I'm really worth, but because I completed only one year, it's been retail, food service, and other crap jobs ever since. And my dream to be self sufficient is only half-realized.
I want my own business. Period. I am working on this as I type. Joe and I have been making videos for sale for almost a year now, but I've long since stopped enjoying that work, and we haven't come close to breaking even with it. I think it's a failure and would like to move away from it. Joe is more determined to stick with it than I am, but because of his long commute and work days, he hasn't got much time to focus on it. We invested in a silk screening set up, and we'll begin making shirts and prints very soon. The work shed is almost complete, and we need to order more screens and shirts before we can get started. We have a thriving vegetable garden going, and when it comes time to harvest, I have a feeling that we will have more than we can eat on our own, so we will set up a small farm stand in our yard, and that will be another additional income. There are many more things I want to pursue. I have the time, but I don't have the money, so these other projects will have to blossom first, I guess. What's worrisome to me is that I want to get prepared for the worst while I hope for the best. This also ties into my desire for self sufficiency. We want solar panels and wind power generating electricity and heat for us. We want to stockpile food and other supplies. We already started on the garden, but next year, I want to build some raised beds and have a larger garden. I want to create more recycled art, which I haven't done at all since I moved back to MA.
And the list goes on and on, folks.
I am telling you about my story because I think that it might answer the "What can I do?" question. I don't believe the answer is fighting, I believe the answer is changing our ways. Taking down corporations and big government isn't about going to Washington, guns blazing, making demands. The subtle approach is a far better one - Money is what talks with these people. They are raising the prices of oil, which is in turn raising the prices of everything else. They think that the poor will just die off. Well, if you're poor but you don't want to die, then get resourceful. Do what you have to do to live. Grow a garden so you can eat. Get some DIY projects rolling. Be innovative. You don't need their brand name products to live - but they want you to think so, because it means more money for them and less for you. Why would you want to give them your money, anyway, especially the food producers? Next time you go to the grocery store, look at the ingredients on the labels.
Do you see "High fructose corn syrup?"
HFCS was rapidly introduced in many processed foods and soft drinks in the US over the period of about 1975–1985.
Since its introduction, HFCS has begun to replace sugar in various processed foods in the USA and Canada. The main reasons for this switch are:

* HFCS is somewhat cheaper due to the relative abundance of corn and the relative lack of sugar beets, as well as farm subsidies and sugar import tariffs in the United States.
* HFCS is easier to blend and transport because it is a liquid.
* HFCS usage leads to products with much longer shelf life.
There is a correlation between the rise of obesity in the U.S. and the use of HFCS for sweetening beverages and foods. -from Wikipedia

It's in almost everything, from Cheerios to Ketchup.

Do you see "Aspartame"?
Click here to read about the Aspartame controversy.

How about "Mono sodium glutamate"?

There are, of course, many others as well. If this isn't a good reason to grow your own food and shop at farmer's markets, I don't know what is.

Now I know what you're thinking, "I don't have time/space to grow my own food!"
Sorry, that's an excuse. Even if you live in a small apartment, you can grow food indoors, in planters, or in a countertop hydroponics system such as the AeroGarden. It only takes a few minutes a day to care for your plants, and if you have a hydro system, it takes even less than that.
Convenience is not better, for anyone. We've been bred to be lazy, to rely on the corporations and their products. And what do we get for it? Crap additives in our food supply that bring about disease. That's completely unacceptable. I'm not saying that everyone needs to make this huge drastic lifestyle change. In all honesty, going green and self sufficient ends up costing you a lot less money in the long run, it's healthier for you and your family, it's better for the environment, and the corporations slowly die off like they've been trying to do to us.
So, what are you going to do? Are you going to keep going along with the system that doesn't care about you and yours, or are you going to stand up, say NO to the corporations, and take responsibility for your life? It's your choice. No one is going to make you do anything you don't want to do. But keep in mind that in the long run and in the end, you are the only person you can truly and fully rely on. So stop relying on others and make a real life for yourself. Encourage others. Teach your children. Maybe someday we can trust that we can rely on each other and ourselves instead of on big business.

There is much more that I would like to talk about, but I am going to end here. I don't want to come off like I am enforcing my opinions on anyone. I just want to share what I know, and encourage others to try living a self sufficient lifestyle before it's too late. I have read that gas may go up to $12 a gallon before the end of next year. What do you think that means for food prices? Will you keep paying high prices for gas to get to work? Will you be able to afford to get to work?

The US is about to be humbled. Don't let it destroy your life and the lives of the people you care about. Please take the initiative and get your freedom back.

and another...

2008-06-29T19:14:00.000-07:00

Transcription of David Foster Wallace’s 2005 Kenyon Commencement Address - May 21, 2005

(If anybody feels like perspiring [cough], I'd advise you to go ahead, because I'm sure going to. In fact I'm gonna [mumbles while pulling up his gown and taking out a handkerchief from his pocket].) Greetings ["parents"?] and congratulations to Kenyon's graduating class of 2005. There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?"

This is a standard requirement of US commencement speeches, the deployment of didactic little parable-ish stories. The story ["thing"] turns out to be one of the better, less bullshitty conventions of the genre, but if you're worried that I plan to present myself here as the wise, older fish explaining what water is to you younger fish, please don't be. I am not the wise old fish. The point of the fish story is merely that the most obvious, important realities are often the ones that are hardest to see and talk about. Stated as an English sentence, of course, this is just a banal platitude, but the fact is that in the day to day trenches of adult existence, banal platitudes can have a life or death importance, or so I wish to suggest to you on this dry and lovely morning.

Of course the main requirement of speeches like this is that I'm supposed to talk about your liberal arts education's meaning, to try to explain why the degree you are about to receive has actual human value instead of just a material payoff. So let's talk about the single most pervasive cliché in the commencement speech genre, which is that a liberal arts education is not so much about filling you up with knowledge as it is about quote teaching you how to think. If you're like me as a student, you've never liked hearing this, and you tend to feel a bit insulted by the claim that you needed anybody to teach you how to think, since the fact that you even got admitted to a college this good seems like proof that you already know how to think. But I'm going to posit to you that the liberal arts cliché turns out not to be insulting at all, because the really significant education in thinking that we're supposed to get in a place like this isn't really about the capacity to think, but rather about the choice of what to think about. If your total freedom of choice regarding what to think about seems too obvious to waste time discussing, I'd ask you to think about fish and water, and to bracket for just a few minutes your skepticism about the value of the totally obvious.

Here's another didactic little story. There are these two guys sitting together in a bar in the remote Alaskan wilderness. One of the guys is religious, the other is an atheist, and the two are arguing about the existence of God with that special intensity that comes after about the fourth beer. And the atheist says: "Look, it's not like I don't have actual reasons for not believing in God. It's not like I haven't ever experimented with the whole God and prayer thing. Just last month I got caught away from the camp in that terrible blizzard, and I was totally lost and I couldn't see a thing, and it was fifty below, and so I tried it: I fell to my knees in the snow and cried out 'Oh, God, if there is a God, I'm lost in this blizzard, and I'm gonna die if you don't help me.'" And now, in the bar, the religious guy looks at the atheist all puzzled. "Well then you must believe now," he says, "After all, here you are, alive." The atheist just rolls his eyes. "No, man, all that was was a couple Eskimos happened to come wandering by and showed me the way back to camp."

It's easy to run this story through kind of a standard liberal arts analysis: the exact same experience can mean two totally different things to two different people, given those people's two different belief templates and two different ways of constructing meaning from experience. Because we prize tolerance and diversity of belief, nowhere in our liberal arts analysis do we want to claim that one guy's interpretation is true and the other guy's is false or bad. Which is fine, except we also never end up talking about just where these individual templates and beliefs come from. Meaning, where they come from INSIDE the two guys. As if a person's most basic orientation toward the world, and the meaning of his experience were somehow just hard-wired, like height or shoe-size; or automatically absorbed from the culture, like language. As if how we construct meaning were not actually a matter of personal, intentional choice. Plus, there's the whole matter of arrogance. The nonreligious guy is so totally certain in his dismissal of the possibility that the passing Eskimos had anything to do with his prayer for help. True, there are plenty of religious people who seem arrogant and certain of their own interpretations, too. They're probably even more repulsive than atheists, at least to most of us. But religious dogmatists' problem is exactly the same as the story's unbeliever: blind certainty, a close-mindedness that amounts to an imprisonment so total that the prisoner doesn't even know he's locked up.

The point here is that I think this is one part of what teaching me how to think is really supposed to mean. To be just a little less arrogant. To have just a little critical awareness about myself and my certainties. Because a huge percentage of the stuff that I tend to be automatically certain of is, it turns out, totally wrong and deluded. I have learned this the hard way, as I predict you graduates will, too.

Here is just one example of the total wrongness of something I tend to be automatically sure of: everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that I am the absolute center of the universe; the realist, most vivid and important person in existence. We rarely think about this sort of natural, basic self-centeredness because it's so socially repulsive. But it's pretty much the same for all of us. It is our default setting, hard-wired into our boards at birth. Think about it: there is no experience you have had that you are not the absolute center of. The world as you experience it is there in front of YOU or behind YOU, to the left or right of YOU, on YOUR TV or YOUR monitor. And so on. Other people's thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you somehow, but your own are so immediate, urgent, real.

Please don't worry that I'm getting ready to lecture you about compassion or other-directedness or all the so-called virtues. This is not a matter of virtue. It's a matter of my choosing to do the work of somehow altering or getting free of my natural, hard-wired default setting which is to be deeply and literally self-centered and to see and interpret everything through this lens of self. People who can adjust their natural default setting this way are often described as being "well-adjusted", which I suggest to you is not an accidental term.

Given the triumphant academic setting here, an obvious question is how much of this work of adjusting our default setting involves actual knowledge or intellect. This question gets very tricky. Probably the most dangerous thing about an academic education -- least in my own case -- is that it enables my tendency to over-intellectualize stuff, to get lost in abstract argument inside my head, instead of simply paying attention to what is going on right in front of me, paying attention to what is going on inside me.

As I'm sure you guys know by now, it is extremely difficult to stay alert and attentive, instead of getting hypnotized by the constant monologue inside your own head (may be happening right now). Twenty years after my own graduation, I have come gradually to understand that the liberal arts cliché about teaching you how to think is actually shorthand for a much deeper, more serious idea: learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed. Think of the old cliché about quote the mind being an excellent servant but a terrible master.

This, like many clichés, so lame and unexciting on the surface, actually expresses a great and terrible truth. It is not the least bit coincidental that adults who commit suicide with firearms almost always shoot themselves in: the head. They shoot the terrible master. And the truth is that most of these suicides are actually dead long before they pull the trigger.

And I submit that this is what the real, no bullshit value of your liberal arts education is supposed to be about: how to keep from going through your comfortable, prosperous, respectable adult life dead, unconscious, a slave to your head and to your natural default setting of being uniquely, completely, imperially alone day in and day out. That may sound like hyperbole, or abstract nonsense. Let's get concrete. The plain fact is that you graduating seniors do not yet have any clue what "day in day out" really means. There happen to be whole, large parts of adult American life that nobody talks about in commencement speeches. One such part involves boredom, routine, and petty frustration. The parents and older folks here will know all too well what I'm talking about.

By way of example, let's say it's an average adult day, and you get up in the morning, go to your challenging, white-collar, college-graduate job, and you work hard for eight or ten hours, and at the end of the day you're tired and somewhat stressed and all you want is to go home and have a good supper and maybe unwind for an hour, and then hit the sack early because, of course, you have to get up the next day and do it all again. But then you remember there's no food at home. You haven't had time to shop this week because of your challenging job, and so now after work you have to get in your car and drive to the supermarket. It's the end of the work day and the traffic is apt to be: very bad. So getting to the store takes way longer than it should, and when you finally get there, the supermarket is very crowded, because of course it's the time of day when all the other people with jobs also try to squeeze in some grocery shopping. And the store is hideously lit and infused with soul-killing muzak or corporate pop and it's pretty much the last place you want to be but you can't just get in and quickly out; you have to wander all over the huge, over-lit store's confusing aisles to find the stuff you want and you have to maneuver your junky cart through all these other tired, hurried people with carts (et cetera, et cetera, cutting stuff out because this is a long ceremony) and eventually you get all your supper supplies, except now it turns out there aren't enough check-out lanes open even though it's the end-of-the-day rush. So the checkout line is incredibly long, which is stupid and infuriating. But you can't take your frustration out on the frantic lady working the register, who is overworked at a job whose daily tedium and meaninglessness surpasses the imagination of any of us here at a prestigious college.

But anyway, you finally get to the checkout line's front, and you pay for your food, and you get told to "Have a nice day" in a voice that is the absolute voice of death. Then you have to take your creepy, flimsy, plastic bags of groceries in your cart with the one crazy wheel that pulls maddeningly to the left, all the way out through the crowded, bumpy, littery parking lot, and then you have to drive all the way home through slow, heavy, SUV-intensive, rush-hour traffic, et cetera et cetera.

Everyone here has done this, of course. But it hasn't yet been part of you graduates' actual life routine, day after week after month after year.

But it will be. And many more dreary, annoying, seemingly meaningless routines besides. But that is not the point. The point is that petty, frustrating crap like this is exactly where the work of choosing is gonna come in. Because the traffic jams and crowded aisles and long checkout lines give me time to think, and if I don't make a conscious decision about how to think and what to pay attention to, I'm gonna be pissed and miserable every time I have to shop. Because my natural default setting is the certainty that situations like this are really all about me. About MY hungriness and MY fatigue and MY desire to just get home, and it's going to seem for all the world like everybody else is just in my way. And who are all these people in my way? And look at how repulsive most of them are, and how stupid and cow-like and dead-eyed and nonhuman they seem in the checkout line, or at how annoying and rude it is that people are talking loudly on cell phones in the middle of the line. And look at how deeply and personally unfair this is.

Or, of course, if I'm in a more socially conscious liberal arts form of my default setting, I can spend time in the end-of-the-day traffic being disgusted about all the huge, stupid, lane-blocking SUV's and Hummers and V-12 pickup trucks, burning their wasteful, selfish, forty-gallon tanks of gas, and I can dwell on the fact that the patriotic or religious bumper-stickers always seem to be on the biggest, most disgustingly selfish vehicles, driven by the ugliest [responding here to loud applause] (this is an example of how NOT to think, though) most disgustingly selfish vehicles, driven by the ugliest, most inconsiderate and aggressive drivers. And I can think about how our children's children will despise us for wasting all the future's fuel, and probably screwing up the climate, and how spoiled and stupid and selfish and disgusting we all are, and how modern consumer society just sucks, and so forth and so on.

You get the idea.

If I choose to think this way in a store and on the freeway, fine. Lots of us do. Except thinking this way tends to be so easy and automatic that it doesn't have to be a choice. It is my natural default setting. It's the automatic way that I experience the boring, frustrating, crowded parts of adult life when I'm operating on the automatic, unconscious belief that I am the center of the world, and that my immediate needs and feelings are what should determine the world's priorities.

The thing is that, of course, there are totally different ways to think about these kinds of situations. In this traffic, all these vehicles stopped and idling in my way, it's not impossible that some of these people in SUV's have been in horrible auto accidents in the past, and now find driving so terrifying that their therapist has all but ordered them to get a huge, heavy SUV so they can feel safe enough to drive. Or that the Hummer that just cut me off is maybe being driven by a father whose little child is hurt or sick in the seat next to him, and he's trying to get this kid to the hospital, and he's in a bigger, more legitimate hurry than I am: it is actually I who am in HIS way.

Or I can choose to force myself to consider the likelihood that everyone else in the supermarket's checkout line is just as bored and frustrated as I am, and that some of these people probably have harder, more tedious and painful lives than I do.

Again, please don't think that I'm giving you moral advice, or that I'm saying you are supposed to think this way, or that anyone expects you to just automatically do it. Because it's hard. It takes will and effort, and if you are like me, some days you won't be able to do it, or you just flat out won't want to.

But most days, if you're aware enough to give yourself a choice, you can choose to look differently at this fat, dead-eyed, over-made-up lady who just screamed at her kid in the checkout line. Maybe she's not usually like this. Maybe she's been up three straight nights holding the hand of a husband who is dying of bone cancer. Or maybe this very lady is the low-wage clerk at the motor vehicle department, who just yesterday helped your spouse resolve a horrific, infuriating, red-tape problem through some small act of bureaucratic kindness. Of course, none of this is likely, but it's also not impossible. It just depends what you what to consider. If you're automatically sure that you know what reality is, and you are operating on your default setting, then you, like me, probably won't consider possibilities that aren't annoying and miserable. But if you really learn how to pay attention, then you will know there are other options. It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down.

Not that that mystical stuff is necessarily true. The only thing that's capital-T True is that you get to decide how you're gonna try to see it.

This, I submit, is the freedom of a real education, of learning how to be well-adjusted. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn't. You get to decide what to worship.

Because here's something else that's weird but true: in the day-to day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship -- be it JC or Allah, bet it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles -- is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you. On one level, we all know this stuff already. It's been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story. The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness.

Worship power, you will end up feeling weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to numb you to your own fear. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. But the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they're evil or sinful, it's that they're unconscious. They are default settings.

They're the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure value without ever being fully aware that that's what you're doing.

And the so-called real world will not discourage you from operating on your default settings, because the so-called real world of men and money and power hums merrily along in a pool of fear and anger and frustration and craving and worship of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The freedom all to be lords of our tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talk about much in the great outside world of wanting and achieving and [unintelligible -- sounds like "displayal"]. The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.

That is real freedom. That is being educated, and understanding how to think. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing.

I know that this stuff probably doesn't sound fun and breezy or grandly inspirational the way a commencement speech is supposed to sound. What it is, as far as I can see, is the capital-T Truth, with a whole lot of rhetorical niceties stripped away. You are, of course, free to think of it whatever you wish. But please don't just dismiss it as just some finger-wagging Dr. Laura sermon. None of this stuff is really about morality or religion or dogma or big fancy questions of life after death.

The capital-T Truth is about life BEFORE death.

It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over:

"This is water."

"This is water."

It is unimaginably hard to do this, to stay conscious and alive in the adult world day in and day out. Which means yet another grand cliché turns out to be true: your education really IS the job of a lifetime. And it commences: now.

I wish you way more than luck.

Back to marginalia.org

found. again.

2008-06-29T18:55:00.000-07:00

don't mind me. I am finding things around the net that I want to ponder and remember, so I'm putting them here.

Originally Posted by Orygun
Yes I bought precious metals back in 04 when I saw the writing on the wall. But now its smart to buy things that are going to skyrocket in price due to oil prices. Think of everything you may need in the future but may have difficulty attaining. Purchase...

Solar panels (for when electricity is through the roof)
Wood stove
Bikes
Electrical wire
Land to grow food or as a woodlot for your woodstove
Tools and well composted raised beds for growing more of your own food
New roof (preferably metal that will last 100 years)
Rainwater catchment barrels
Plastic conduit for plumbing
New construction (addition, remodel, etc)

You can add to the list but the idea is that all of these things could be going up double digit percent while the dollar and investments drop in value. Better to purchase needed essentials now than to invest in declining assets during an inflationary period.

found.

2008-06-29T16:09:00.001-07:00

I offer you this, from the Daily Reckoning:

Today, we are talking about one of the most boneheaded miscalculations of all time. Almost with a single maladroit stroke, a relatively small group of world-improvers undermined the progress of 9 generations. Five years later, Americans are on the losing end of the “biggest transfer of wealth in history,” as T. Boone Pickens described the oil market of 2008. George W. Bush has the highest disapproval ratings of any U.S. president in history. America’s most profitable industry – finance – has collapsed...its currency has lost a third of its value...and European, Chinese and Indian economists are wagging their fingers saying, “I told you so.”

But here at The Daily Reckoning we always look on the bright side. And the sunny side of this story is that the United States needed to be humbled. After the Soviet Union fell to its knees in 1990, America had a monopoly on worldwide military force. Nature abhors a monopoly; she needed to take the U.S. down a peg. Who better to do the job than this group of neo-cons? They knew no history; nor did they understand economics. They were the perfect people to lead the nation to disgrace and bankruptcy.

Mr. Kudlow continued his miscalculation by referring to a survey, in which 69% of respondents said they would gladly pay $300 for the war.

So far this year alone, the price of crude has risen 40%. It’s now $100 higher than when the neo-cons took America into the Iraq War. Each American uses 25 barrels of oil per year. This is equivalent to a tax of $2,500 in additional energy expense per person...or $10,000 for a family of four, annually. In addition, the war itself is estimated to cost between $1 trillion and $2 trillion. Divide that by the number of U.S. families and you get a figure of $10,000 or more.

Ooops.

But the numbers are just the beginning. High energy prices are undermining the American way of life itself, such as it is. As colleague Byron King explains, below, we’ve spent the last 100 years building the wrong kind of world. Now, many Americans are doomed to live in the ruins of a civilization that no longer works.

“Rethinking the country life,” begins an article in the New York Times . “Suddenly the economics of American suburban life are under assault,” it continues. Then, it gets down to business.

When Larry Kudlow, Laurence Lindsey and Paul Wolfowitz were explaining how nice it would be to rough up the Middle East, the average suburban American household spent $1,422 on gasoline. Now, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the sum has risen to $3,196. Another estimate puts the increase in energy costs to the typical family at $50 per month. Anyway you look at it, it’s a lot of money for people who don’t have much money. And the figure goes up the further you get out in the boonies.

“Life on the edges of suburbia is beginning to feel untenable,” says the Times .

Like it or not, Americans are being forced to park their cars. This spring, they cut back on their driving at a sharper pace than anytime since 1942. But it’s hard to stop driving when you live far from work and far from shops.

Meanwhile, we got the latest figures on the U.S. housing market. According to the Case/Shiller survey, prices fell at their fastest rate ever in April, down 15.3% over the year before. This no doubt contributed to an enveloping funk in consumer confidence, which hit a 16-year low.

The confidence level of suburbanites falls with their house prices. We have no proof, but our guess is that no houses are falling more than those built most recently, most far out. That’s where homeowner equity is likely to be lowest...and where the increased price of commuting hits hardest. That is where house prices ought to be most vulnerable. Potential buyers will simply add up the costs of commuting – in time and money – and subtract it from what they are willing to pay for the house. The longer the commute, the lower the price.

“Prices in outer suburbs will get clobbered,” concludes economist Mark Zandi.

The country will be turned inside out by higher energy prices. The suburbs are becoming less and less desirable...compared to concentrated, close-in developments near city centers. For the first time since the 1920s, the inner cities are ‘in.’ The suburbs, meanwhile, are ‘out.’ And the further out you go...the further ‘out’ they are. Over time, many of these out-lying suburbs are likely to become slums...or maybe simply abandoned, left to become ghost towns, with tumbleweeds blowing through the empty split-levels and burned-out neo-colonials.

In the fashionable inner cities, meanwhile, the middle classes will adapt and probably be better off for it. They’ll walk to restaurants, to school, and to shops. In the far out suburbs, consumers will regret every trip to the shopping mall...and rue the day they listened to Larry Kudlow.

But here we let Byron King pick up this point...

“The returns are coming in from the distant precincts of the oil patch, and the winner is... Oil!

“The price for oil has barely budged based on the Saudi Summit. There has been no summer sell-off, and I’d be surprised to see a significant pullback as the summer driving season kicks into gear. (Followed by hurricane season, and then the buildup for winter heating stocks, followed by winter.)

“What’s going on? Well, what the Saudis give – in proposed, future increased production...the Nigerians take away – with ongoing oil patch carnage that forces the likes of Shell and Chevron to close vast pipeline systems. Apparently the present trumps the future, even in the futures markets. Everything is connected to everything else, isn’t it?

“Here is my take on the exit polls from the Saudi Summit...

“Consumers and their representative governments are desperate for an oil pullback. This $135 oil is draining budgets. The poor and working poor are already marginalized in this cruel world of ours. Now it’s the turn of the middle classes to get kicked into the cellar of the modern age. People are working time-and-a-half just to put food on the table and gas in the car. Retirees and others on more-or-less ‘fixed’ incomes are impoverishing slowly. Unless they are impoverishing fast. Bankruptcy filings among the older and elderly demographics in the U.S. are soaring. The bottom line is that the conventional image of a ‘decent standard of living’ is rapidly receding for many tens of millions of households. The 20th Century is truly over. (I think this has much to do with the meteoric rise of Senator Obama as well... He offers nothing new – mostly just classic, populist Democratic Party bromides – but he offers it in such a sweet and beguiling, Teflon-coated manner...)

“And it will get worse before it gets better. To be perfectly blunt, it might not even get better. Over the next year, and into the foreseeable future, in the developed world people will go broke buying motor-fuel, heating oil and natural gas. (Wait until next winter... Sweet Jeeeezus!) In the less-developed world, people will go broke buying bread. And then the poorest amongst us will starve. Any way you look at it, it’s bad for business.

“Fast-rising energy prices are decapitalizing entire nations. Energy prices are destroying wealth faster than people can re-create it. Entire segments of the world economy have hit the iceberg and are filling with cold seawater. Some industries are becoming obsolete in a matter of months. Much of the airline industry is drowning in red ink before our eyes – almost every flight in the sky is losing money, no matter how much they charge to check your suitcase or how few peanuts they put in the small package.

“And down on the ground, most motor transport is just plain uneconomic any more... ‘Dead Rigs Driving.’ Farewell to the ‘Warehouse on Wheels.’ Sic Semper Globalization.

“Large swaths of the auto & truck building industry have become capital-wastelands. For example, GM is closing SUV factories and planning to ditch the Hummer brand. This cascades down to firms that make everything that goes into a set of gas-guzzling wheels. You name it: hot-coiled strip, axles & tires, wire bundles, paints & coatings, window glass and seatbelts, and so much more. Billions of dollars worth of past investment is just gone...bye-bye, poof! And the good-jobs-at-good-wages? History.

“So, is there room for optimism here? Yes, in the sense that high prices are concentrating many minds on energy. ‘Energy’ is the most important issue of our time, bar none. That is, people are finally beginning to understand the centrality of energy to our collective existence. Take away the cheap energy, and it becomes clear that mankind has spent the past century building the wrong kind of world.

“Another way of saying it is that we’ve collectively built ‘tomorrow’s ruins’ today. And I don’t mean just the physical structures, the bad architecture and stranded infrastructure that is worthless when energy is expensive. Think as well about the social structures that are beyond worthless when energy gets expensive. Tell me when you start to get worried...

“Much of what happens in our time only happens because energy is relatively cheap and abundant. So when energy gets expensive, a lot of what happens is going to stop happening.

“I leave the rest to your imagination.”

I miss art modeling!

2008-06-24T07:47:00.001-07:00

I was just thinkin', reminiscing about my days as an artists' model. I primarily worked at art colleges, and occasionally for individual students. I got my start when a friend of mine who worked for a community college needed someone to cover for her for a few sessions. About a year later, I was living in Philadelphia and decided to apply at Moore, which is an all female art school. Before long, I had applied at and worked for every art school in the city (and a few universities outside of the city.) People would tell me all the time that I must have brass balls or something to get naked every day in front of a bunch of strangers! However, I didn't look at it like that... I was an art student once, and I already knew how important the figure models are. My body has a kind of unusual shape to it, so students and teachers alike were excited to draw/paint/sculpt my image... My body is able to create interesting shapes and values, so it's a bit more challenging for the students.

I was rather popular and got a lot of studio time, which meant that I was able to get paid like I was working a full time job, but I only had to go to work for a few hours, a few days a week. It always varied; sometimes I would work every day except the weekends, but I very rarely had to be at work for more than 6 hours a day. Sometimes I had sessions booked at 2 different schools on the same day, but they were all a quick bike ride or walk away from each other, so it was nothing to stress over.

I met tons of great and talented people; the students and the teachers were all very interesting and cool people. I never once had a bad situation with anyone (though there were a few teachers whose methods I disagreed with, but that has no real bearing on anything!)

I really owe my ability to have a positive body image to having been an artists model. I was always made to feel appreciated, inspiring, and, I was frequently told, "So much fun to draw/paint/etc"! I think that's one of the reasons why people tell me they could never do it, because they fear that people will make fun of them or something, but it's really the opposite. If you can be pleasant and engaging with the students and staff during breaks, can hold relatively still (and be able to return to the correct position), and be on time/reliable, then your experience as an artists' model will be very rewarding.

As an artist, it was also rewarding being in a school - sometimes I felt like I was getting paid to do yoga (or even fall asleep!) in art class! I learned quite a bit from being in classrooms even though I was modeling and not painting or drawing, I was picking up on what was being taught and methods that were being used.

I miss it. I really enjoyed this work, I felt it was as beneficial to me as it was to the students. I don't live in a city anymore, so I can't get to this type of job... It's kind of a bummer. When I first moved back to Massachusetts, I started calling around to art schools in Boston, but I realized that my commute wouldn't be worth it. I think I'm going to try Craigslist again... Even though I don't drive, I am close to Cape Cod and there are many artists in this area. While I do prefer working in an educational setting, I'm not against working with individual artists.

I'll let ya know how it works out. :)

things that make you go hmmm

2008-06-20T15:15:00.001-07:00

Do you ever feel, as a blogger, or vlogger, or myspacer, etc. that your words always fall on deaf ears? I do. It bums me out when I put forth the effort to write a few paragraphs, or post a bulletin, or make a video, and the only sound for miles around for the next several days is the crickets. Some days, I'm not even sure why I continue to bother.

For the last few weeks, I have been scoping out the social scene of mothers on the internet, in a wholehearted attempt to make some new friends - not only for myself, but mainly for my son, who arrived today and will be here for 8 weeks. Since I moved back home to Massachusetts, I have been working from home and I don't get out enough to actually meet new people. I have one friend, a musician, who has no children, or even any relatives close to my son's age. So basically, doing the "Mommy personals" is my only option at this time. I've posted introductions in forums, added local moms as friends, posted on craigslist, and so far - nothing. There must be some folks in my area with kids. Maybe I'm too weird for them. Maybe the tattoos and concert t shirts are too much for other people my age to handle? Maybe Massachusetts has become way more conservative since I left back in 96. I just don't know. What I do know is that I'm sad about it, for my son. The last time he was here, he came to me crying about being an only child and not having anyone to play with when he stays with us. And I've been diligently trying every day to try and meet some local moms, but all the cool people I meet don't have kids or live far away.

Even in other regards, my voice just doesn't get heard. I try to inform people about issues I find important, I post bulletins on MySpace to let people know about what's happening with me, and either no one reads the stuff I put out, or they don't care enough to shoot me a message. It's kind of frustrating and a tad lonely also. I know my friends - as scattered around the world as they are, care about me. But it seems like they care much less when I'm not right in front of their faces. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. And making new friends is damn near impossible.

I'm not giving up, but it's just a bummer, you know? It's not easy explaining to a 9 year old that his mom has no friends with kids. They think you can just snap your fingers and give them what they want, and maybe if I were someone else, I could. But, I'm me, a loner hermit in the woods with one kid, one boyfriend, and one childless friend.

whoop-dee-doo.

Marc Emery: Prince of Pot documentary

2008-06-20T06:07:00.000-07:00

see the other 4 parts here:
http://www.youtube.com/user/princeofpot

I want an Earthship!!!

2008-06-19T09:48:00.000-07:00

Joe and I have been discussing how the heck we're gonna live in a self sufficient home for the last several months. Initially, we were all about living in a yurt, but yesterday, we discovered architect Michael Reynolds' invention, the Earthship. Holy heck, people... this is fantastic! How I didn't hear about this until now is beyond me.

Here's a video...

Oh yes, I would very much like to live in an Earthship. The obstacle is finding affordable land to build it on, and who knows what other obstacles could crop up, since Joe and I are not builders, and different states have different laws about this kind of thing...

There's also a documentary about Michael Reynolds called "Garbage Warrior" that is well worth watching. I'm so inspired! I'll be collecting cans, bottles, and tires from now on :)

silly

2008-06-13T17:47:00.001-07:00

The first of many rants to come. Wake up, people - and start making the world a better place!

2008-06-13T09:38:00.001-07:00

when will people in power (and people in general, for that matter,) understand that repressing individual freedoms only makes those who are being oppressed want what they are being told they can't have THAT much more?

I'm talking about censorship, here... C'mon, if you were a teenager or young adult in the 80's and 90's you know you thought about listening to 2 Live Crew records if you didn't run right out and buy them already.

Riddle me this, and bear with me, here:
If people in power didn't really WANT you to know just how "obscene" that record was, they wouldn't have bothered making a HUGE deal about it in the media, wouldn't you think? I mean, everyone has been glued to their TV's since the late 1930's. They were all about their radios before that, and radio stations by and large were local, independent channels.

Corporations have, since just before that time in our history, dictated how we live our lives. They want us lazy, superficial, judgmental, oversexed, addicted, dumbed down, and living in fear. They have duped us into patterning our lives into repetitive and soulless existences.
Don't think so? Check this out:
Television, radio, magazines - all mass media dictates to anyone who indulges in it (and that's most of you reading this, probably) the following things:
Money is the be all, end all of the status quo. Admit it - even if you're against the status quo, the world is so moneycentric that you would have to sacrifice a large chunk of your "modern conveniences" in order to live a lifestyle suitable to your needs.
Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is what they tell you it is. However, "beauty" doesn't always equal "healthy", so that's why brainwashed folks run around getting themselves into eating disorders, drug abuse, emotional problems and death. Thanks, Mass Media!
He (or she) who has the most toys, WINS!
Yup. The more you have, and the better it is, the cooler you are. It's like high school, we're all a bunch of big babies going, "Look at meeee, I have an iPod and a sweet SUV, and my cell phone fuckin' THINKS for me, man!" and "You suck because your car is old and you don't wear designer clothes!"
Gimme a break.
Look, what it all boils down to is:
There are corporations in this country.
They do not have your best interests in mind.
They want you to do all their dirty work for them, and then take back all the money they gave you so they can sit in an office/travel the world/schmooze with the stars/I could go on and on.
They care SO little about you that they make artificial crap for you to eat, AND they make you work really hard to get the money to buy said food, that they produce!

Oh, and the people on TV? Yeah, they're tools in all of this. Don't you think it's a little ridiculous that actors, actresses, musicians, and anyone else who could be construed as an "idol" to people get paid millions upon millions of dollars? Especially people on TV and in movies, here... Let's get right down to the nitty gritty - when you really think about it, someone who is a famous actor or actress gets paid millions to appear in a movie. Is it really THAT FUCKING TOUGH to pretend like you're someone else in front of a camera? Especially if you're already a sociopath? And mark my words, there's plenty of those in L.A. whether you know it or not!

It all feeds back to the fact that the media is run by corporations. Government is as well. The corporations (with the help of their puppets - the media and the government) force you to literally slave away for your wages, so that you can turn right back around and put all the money you worked hard to earn right back into THEIR pockets. They make you think that it's all normal and what's right for your country - but hey, do you know who ANY of your neighbors are? Do you know that you're eating poison, stuff that is making you fat, and sick? It's obvious, it's ALL AROUND YOU if you open your eyes and start to ignore all the crap they're feeding your brain. Hey, the alarm clock is going off, folks... Time to wake up!

Fortunately, people are waking up, and I see evidence of it everywhere, especially on the internet. They know it too, and they have been trying to take it over and regulate it for many years - so far, unsuccessfully.

Every single one of us has a voice (even if it's in print, sign language, or through art.) Just use it. Please. Think really hard about your surroundings, realize that you've been lied to (and so has everyone else around you!)
Remember that everyone - man or woman, adult or child, black or white (and everything in-between), is an individual, and has the power within themselves to love, be loved, free, and be freed. People who are mentally insane or violent criminals need to be shut away from society, but they also shouldn't be treated as animals. They should be treated, but in a humane way. Who knows, it might actually reform them better if their issues are met with compassion and healing as opposed to more abuse. No matter what the offense, each person is an individual and the determination of what makes someone a "criminal" is wide and varied in our current society. Guess who owns the jails? You guessed it, bud - Corporations! 60 million laws - in effect. You probably break quite a few of them every day and don't even know it - or you just don't get caught.
Remember that they WANT you to hate, they want you to be afraid, they want you to think little of yourself and of others so that you can work your ass off for them while they make you think you're doing it for yourself and your loved ones. They want you to desire all the things they tell you are "illegal" and "immoral" so that they can put you in their jails and cause turmoil to your families and you!

I'm not kidding about all of these things, and I might be a little crazy, but I prefer to call it "enlightened". I have researched countless hours of video, audio, and articles after many years of just having my eyes open and taking a look around. Educating myself on these topics only proved all the things I thought were wrong since my early childhood, and made the picture much, much bigger.

It all sounds so scary, and it is - but we don't have to allow it to happen. Being scared of it all isn't going to get anything done. It's a matter of just saying no, and acting beyond that. It's about taking it all back. You raise your own food, encourage others to do so, and share your abundance and skills with others. Growing your own food is a lot cheaper than grocery shopping, it doesn't have chemicals in it, and it's not genetically modified. Oh, and it's low cost for you, so of course it all makes more sense than paying $5 (plus who knows how much $ in gas to get to and from the grocery store) for, say, a box of sugary cereal that's loaded with crap like high fructose corn syrup (one of the leading causes for obesity in America, btw... Food for thought.)

Start losing that superficial attitude, people! You can certainly have your tastes when it comes to how others should look, what music you like, etc - but share it with people without putting THEM down for who they are or what their tastes are. It's not hard, and besides, does it REALLY make you feel better when you mess with someone's psyche like that? No, I didn't think so. Just be open. Understand that everyone IS an individual, and if they're a sheep, they can become an individual if they wake up and all this bullshit comes to an end. So just think about it.

Human beings are designed to be productive, and there's nothing wrong with that. But we've been exploited for too long. We've exploited each other. We're a nation of angry, scared, and brainwashed people, dependent on "The System" instead of on ourselves and each other. Be self sufficient, and help others however you can. Educate with truth and show compassion. If you can't find a way to get along with somebody, get away from them and suggest they do the same. Not hard. Doesn't have to be, anyway, but we make it that way sometimes, don't we?

These are the seeds to take it all back. They want their money? Well they can keep all their money when we fend for ourselves and each other instead of for them. When the shit hits the fan, their money isn't going to help them, but food and supplies sure would. If only they had been nicer to us, eh?

I don't know if we can live in a totally cashless society, but a society without immense greed would be nice. You know, where people are rewarded for their abilities and contributions, but everyone can live comfortably and without hate towards their fellow human beings.

Peace, evolution, and the return of all our souls before it's too damned late.
I hope to see it happen in my lifetime. I hope that my ideas and my actions help people to wake up and gain some understanding.

There's so much more to this, but for now, I'm done ranting at ya. Keep mean spirited commentary to yourself - I'm not interested, I'm just trying to have my voice heard because it kills me that everyone is so needlessly messed up right now, and it's obvious what and who is to blame. We all need to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions, and we can start by making the elites realize that we're not their slaves anymore.

t shirt mania

2008-06-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

the screenprinting press just arrived. I guess the company sends everything our in separate boxes, so the next shipment will be the screens and supplies. Joe and I will have to go to Pearl this weekend and get some inks, and maybe we can get a bunch of unmarked shirts at Goodwill as well.

So, who wants a custom t-shirt? :P

this blog is n00b.

2008-06-12T11:10:00.001-07:00

if you didn't notice. yeah, I just started this blog a few days ago, and in defiance of my typical procrastination, I am making myself post right now, and hopefully daily, for a while.
I have a lot of thoughts on my mind, about the world (The US in particular, since it's where I live) about people, about society, politics, the environment, the sex industry, tattoos, music, right vs. wrong, good vs. evil, "conspiracy theories", media, consumerism, the war on drugs, and about a gazillion other things. My mind is racing constantly as of late about all these topics and more. I really need to let them leak out of my brain, into my fingers, and onto this blog. Y'all are gonna think I'm either crazy or a fucking saint, I don't know.

For someone who feels so very exhausted, I am, most definitely, the most awake I have ever been in my life.

What a conundrum.

More coming.

playlist of freedom fighters

2008-06-10T07:07:00.000-07:00

here's some herb for thought...

2008-06-09T07:14:00.000-07:00

County votes to ban marijuana cultivation

OK, so this is kinda ridiculous, don't ya think?
Just more evidence that the war on drugs is completely out of control and needs a serious makeover.

gimme some sugar, baby.

2008-06-09T07:03:00.000-07:00

I was just reading this and I thought of you.
http://www.steadyhealth.com/sweeterners_weight_loss_t68657.html
Read the third post on the page, ok? I'm showing ya this cuz I know
you're dieting and trying to cut out sugar. I've been trying to cut
out sugar for years, and the only really healthy thing to do is to
stay away from soda, and use real sugar (preferably something
non-processed like Sugar In The Raw or organic cane sugar) in
moderation. Check the labels on things and if it has High Fructose
Corn syrup, stay away, or only indulge once in a while. It's been
proven that HFCS is one of the leading causes of obesity! No wonder I
can't lose weight, all that friggin Mountain Dew!!! Anyway, I've been
researching this crap forever. I don't always stick to it religiously,
but I can't do ANY artificial sweeteners. I tried, before I knew what
was in them, and before I discovered that the FDA does not have the
best interests of human beings at heart - it's all about the $$, you
know. Anyway, I'm not trying to be preachy, I just want you to be
healthy and happy, and so I am sharing with you what I know. I really
believe that aspertame is poison, the evidence is huge and I've seen
it everywhere. I wanted to believe Splenda was okay, but it really
isn't. :(
Ok, i'm done. I hope you don't mind me telling you about all this
stuff, and I hope you'll put aside that stubbornness of yours and
think about it. :) I don't want you to be poisoned!!! LOL I know it
sounds so drastic, but it really is. Please think about it, ok? Cuz I
love ya!